A long time ago...
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A long time ago...
| Fri, 10-21-2005 - 10:35am |
I used to post here close to two years ago (WOW it is hard to believe it has been that long) when I realized what was happening to me. I have been free for almost 2 years (in february) and wanted to come back and see where my journey started and possibly be a listening ear for others. So many stories bring back a lot of emotion for me. I left my abusive xh in Feb. 03, took my DD and DS and went to a shelter and now I can sit here and be so very grateful I had the support and the courage to walk out (okay, actually I ran away while he waas gone overnight but I got out, lol)and now my life is my own. We live happily in our own house, have our own friends and I have enjoyed re-discovering myself. My xh did go to jail for breaking into my house last OCtober and trying to take DD
at 3 in the morning, while drunk and stoned. He was arrested in front of her but she has recovered well from severe separation anxiety. He is out and I have full sole and legal custody and all access is determined by me. I am still doing my own counseling, dealing wiht some of the fallout of 7 years of abuse but at least I can make a decision now without a panic attack! It has been a journey. I have faced the biggest fears in my life, I was trapped, a prisoner and now I am free andI feel compelled to read back to what I wrote and when I read others stories I decided I wanted to listen, try to help and support the way I was supported. Anyway, that is my story and I hope to be here fro anyone that needs a supportive ear.
Lisa
at 3 in the morning, while drunk and stoned. He was arrested in front of her but she has recovered well from severe separation anxiety. He is out and I have full sole and legal custody and all access is determined by me. I am still doing my own counseling, dealing wiht some of the fallout of 7 years of abuse but at least I can make a decision now without a panic attack! It has been a journey. I have faced the biggest fears in my life, I was trapped, a prisoner and now I am free andI feel compelled to read back to what I wrote and when I read others stories I decided I wanted to listen, try to help and support the way I was supported. Anyway, that is my story and I hope to be here fro anyone that needs a supportive ear.
Lisa

Wow !!! you are one very strong and brave woman. You are an inspiration and reiderate that what I am about to do is the right thing an taking the right steps. My post in under baby steps, taking things one day atta time starting out slow, yes with the help of a counselor hopefully soon.
If you can do it, I sure as heck can do it. It is very hard isn't it? I am paraphrasing but isn't it ironic that WE are the ones taking all the crap and we are the survivors but still nervous to leave, and even to make decisions. Well I have made two very nerve wracking decisions; one is to say and realize I am a survivor of domestic abuse, called the hotline and referred me to counseling locally. And the 2nd, to get out of this house and get a job, even if it is part time I am hoping it goes full time ...eventually, it's a start.
Again, I want you to know, that your post was an inspiration and aknowledgement that I can do this too, and I will. I am soooo happy about all the positives in your life now, and soooo sorry you had to go thru such hell. It's not fair any of us have to.
Hugs to you brave lady.
Baby steps is where we have to start to do anything else would be overwhelming. I remember making those first calls, reaching out for the first time and finding myself petrified beyond belief yet feeling empowered, taking my life back is what it felt like even if it was just baby steps. Take those steps, however small or slow and you will be amazed how quickly you will start to move. You are right you know, if I can do it anyone can do it. That brave lady is inside all of us. He kept me incapacitated by fear and self doubt but one day the fear wasn’t enough to stop me, it was survival instinct for me and my children. My fear of him of what he would do to me and my kids (emotionally and physically) far outweighed my fear of not being able to “make it”. I was petrified of not being able to provide for my kids, of failing, being alone did not bother me…I was alone anyway. I discovered that not only could I do it on my own I do it well. The night I left I literally though I would break in two but I followed my plan and turned up at the Shelter emotionally exhausted and dizzy with fear but within two days I began to feel lighter and lighter and I started to come alive again. I wanted to tell you this because this will happen to you too. Its not fair that we shoulder the burden of abuse and yet agonize over every step it takes to leave. You are right. No one wants to walk away from their dreams of marriage and family even when the reality of those dreams can destroy us. Its not leaving our abuser that tears us apart its letting go of our dreams.
Keeping taking those steps and you will get stronger and stronger. We are strong, capable, loving, unique and beautiful women and mothers and we deserve the best for ourselves and our children. Give yourself your life back. Keep posting, build your courage with support you find here. Hugs and prayers to you.
Lisa