Love the new format & want to say hi!!!

Avatar for alwaysagardenia
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Love the new format & want to say hi!!!
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 8:19pm
This new format is pretty cool! I just got back from my visit at my 2nd set of parent's house! It was a lot of fun. Had an Oscar party & DD was very social & happy to be amongst friends. It was actually H's idea for DD & I to extend our trip. He's been a real sweetheart since I got back yesterday. I'm feeling that maybe *I'm* the one that's a B***H?? Maybe I do get down on him too much? Dunno but my bestfriend just told me to give him a few more days & he'll start up again. She's probably right & I guess I'm still being hopeful even though I thought I was past that. :-0

He wants to buy me a new car too but I'm perfectly happy with mine except that I wish it was an automatic! LOL My gut instinct is to not agree to this. My car is paid for, it's in MY name & was a partial gift from my Grandma (I also got it when we were separated the last time). It's a '93 but it's a Honda & has only needed regular maintenance work to this point. I'm planning on getting a new car in about 1-2 yrs (after I've already left H). If he got me a new car he's already said it'd have to be in *both* of our names, I said I like having my car in *my* name. He says that it doesn't matter, my car is 1/2 his anyways. Also I'm afraid to get a new car because I'd be stuck with huge payments after I leave & it could make my life even harder. Plus with his credit he'd get a *very* high interest rate. Since I'm not employed they'd be using his account so I'm sure also his credit right? (Even if they did use my credit, it's so thrashed now after being with H. UGH) What do you guys think I should do?

Anyhow, I digressed. I love this new format. Pretty awesome & very easy to read.

Hope that all of you have had a good few days. I'll be catching up on the board after DD goes to bed. Just wanted to post real quick. Love to all. XOXO--Ruby

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:55pm
Keep the car. It is NOT half his, and you don't need the payments. My 93 Honda is also holding up pretty well (except for all the dents and dings that it no longer pays to fix.)


Single Mommy to Leah, 8, Hannah, 6, and nursling Jack, 16m

Ruth, Single Mom to


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 7:52am
My H has always been extremely critical of any car I had that either didn't have his name on it or that he didn't specifically pick out for me.

IMO, I think your H may want his name on your car because then he has some control over that car. What if he decided just out of the blue he was going to sell it? He could without your consent (depending on the wording on the title). Also, he probably has some idea you may be leaving, so if he puts a financial burden on you, then he has a hold on you. He can also throw it in your face about how good he is to you that HE bought you a new car.

Sure he's a sweetheart. Even the satanic being that I live with can be a 'sweetheart' at times, but he's just the wolf hiding under sheep's clothing for his own purposes.

Take care and think rational, Gardenia!


Avatar for cl_mizlizzy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 9:52am
~~Hi~~ I agree with Ruth and JT.

This is yet another tactic, with him acting as if he is doing something "nice" for you by suggesting he get you a new car. It is about control, and manipulation. With as far behind as he is on so many bills and other things, along with the other tactics he uses to try to "keep you there", this is just part of the overall scene.

Even though he may be acting "nice" right now, you have seen this pattern with him, over and over. Please don't slip into that "false sense of security". You can appreciate the calmer periods right now, but, it doesn't change the reality of the situation. Trying to "hope" he will change will only cause a bigger letdown when he resorts to other tactics, and there are still so many glaring issues, that don't begin to make up for any "niceness" he may be displaying, at any time.

I would be surprised if he was able to buy a new vehicle right now, but, regardless, I wouldn't let go of the one you have, that is dependable, and paid for. IF he does go ahead with this purchase, yes, you are both legally responsible for the payments, but that could be handled in any divorce settlement, just like other financial aspects. His saying it is "your car" doesn't mean you would be "stuck" with high payments, etc, but this is still a tactic, that he is using to reinforce his power and control.


Avatar for chaotican
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 11:12am
Hi Ruby!

Good to hear from you! Ruby...your H is the problem, not your expectations. If you feel like you aren't a perfect, loving, forgiving wife, I'd blame the fact that he has craped on your trust for years rather than any personality flaw in yourself. I know that this is very cynical of me to say, but I agree that he'll show his true colors, probably sooner rather than later. Sometimes everything seems fine, and sometimes it really is great, but abuse is a part of your H and it will always resurface.

I think that you should hang on to your car, no question about it. If he wants you to buy you a new car, fine, but keep the old one too. Now isn't the time to enter into any financial burdens if you can help it.

I saw your post to me a few boards ago. Thank you so much! And yes, I still live about 20 miles outside of SF. Do you come up here often? Next time The Sisters are in town, I'll save you a place in the mosh pit!

PS - I'm glad you like the new format. May I go down on record as saying that I hate it?! It isn't even pretty... Oh well, it is the people who make the board, not the neat layout.