Making plans to leave
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| Wed, 04-21-2004 - 2:06pm |
I have come to realize that everything is not my fault. I don't deserve this sort of treatment, and there is no reason for both of us to be so unhappy.
we have 2 boys, one is 18, he is asking me why I don't leave this jerk, telling me that if I need him to stay with me that he will to help pay bills till I get on my feet. The other boy is 9, and he said to me just the other day, "I overheard Dad say he wished he'd never had us".
I feel really quilty that I've stayed in this relationship so long and both these wonderful children have had to suffer. There is nothing I can ever do to undo the damage their father has caused. I can only hope and pray that they will forgive me for both leaving and waiting so long to do so.
I have no friends in this area, he has made sure of that. And he moved me 1500 miles away from my family 20 years ago. We are close to his family, but I can't trust them to really listen to me and advise me.
am I doing the right thing? Am I going about it the right way?
I just don't know.
jljz

Hi jljz and welcome -
It sounds to me like you are definitely doing this right.
CL-Blueliner4
I stayed with my abuser too long - long enough he has gotten to a couple of the kids (I have 4). My 17 year old right now is giving me lots of trouble. I would love to turn the clock back 7 years at the 20 year mark and get the heck out.
Hugs,
Jackie
Anyway, it sounds like you are doing things. That is good. Keep reading, posting and learning. You have some fantastic support with your kids - it helps to know that they see him (your dh) for what he is. My 11 yo son has actually told me on a couple of occassions that he hates his father.
I am probably one of the queens of guilt. I'm stuck at this stage of guilt and have been working really hard on trying to understand why so that I can move past the guilt. None of this is my fault, I have to realize that he is an adult and can make choices in how in lives and treats me and our kids (I have 3, 22 you d, 17 yo d and the 11 yo s. I also have a 1 yo grandson.)
Plan, seek help and post here anytime you feel the need.
Pam