Manipulation
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| Sun, 01-16-2005 - 10:46am |
My ex is so manipulative. We had a conversation over the problems we are having with our daughter this morning. We talked about 40 min. He was telling me our daughter wants to come live with him and I should just let her go. She's 7 I don't think it is right to let her decide.
He was saying he has a new wife now. They are a family. Why don't I just let the kids live there and they would have a family again. He was saying nothing was his fault during the marriage. He was telling me things to make me think something was wrong with me. That nobody likes me, I'm a bad person, and I made my bed now and lie in it.
These ongoing problems like this make things happen that are drastic. When a person just cannot get away from the abuser. He is manipulating my kids and it is making me crazy. I am thinking crazy thoughts.
I need someone to talk to soon. I need to talk to a counselor before something drastic happens. He has turned my oldest daughter against me. He is blaming me for all the problems in the marriage. Nothing is his fault. I cannot let my daughter live over there, he is an irresponsible person. She would start having trouble in school.
How can I get away from this man? He has me so upset on a regular basis I just don't want to live anymore. He's messing with my kids minds.
Wish I had someone to talk to today about all this. I'm physically sick right now over it. To get in to see a counselor it will be another 6 weeks.

Jody,
Ok, I am going to be a little blunt here. Those are your children 5 & 7. Maybe THEY are a family, but no longer yours. Those are your babies and you have the right to have them and raise them how you see fit and he can parent them when he has them. It's so easy to cave in right now. Fight for your babies and your rights. So they through a tantrum fits, get them busy on something else.
Have no contact with the guy whatsoever. Make your own choices, not the ones he is feeding you. Stay strong. Contact your attorney. The courts made visitation rights and that is what is to be followed...don't think any further and don't listen to him. You are worth so much and those children need you to make the hard decisions now.
Thank you so much for the encouraging words. I've been so beat down by him. I'm glad I found this board. I've been posting on some other boards and people that haven't had to deal with an abusive ex just don't understand.
You are right. I need to have NO contact with him. He had me so depressed yesterday when I talked to him. After we talked I was thinking I just can't let my daughter go. She is going to need me more and more in the next few years. She was ok Sunday afternoon and is fine right now. I think it is more out of boredom that she says it. She just tries to get me to give in. It is just so frequent.
Thank you so much again for the support. You understand what I'm going through.
Just to let you know I read this post too & when I have my rest etc I'll try & give you what support I can to help you tackle this problem.
Love Katie Bear
Thank you for your response. There is just so much "luring" them over there. He's intentionally made it this way. Feels he has to compete with me and win over their affection. Unfortunately it is working.
My oldest daughter puts him on a pedestal...daddy can do no wrong. I let her think that, I don't talk bad about him. I hear the endless details of their fun-filled weekends, and then all week I hear how they are bored and want to go back, no matter how fun I've tried to make it here for them. Inside I feel very threatened by all this. It's not like leaving them at Grandma's house for the weekend, I know I will get them back from her house. But leaving them at his house for the weekend, it's like pulling teeth to get them back and he encourages this. When he sees them throwing a fit they don't want to come back to me, he loves this, and says things to me like "see they don't want to come back to you." Then I end up in tears. I dread the transition time.
I remember you telling me you had a daddy's girl. My daughter is too the point where it seems she resents me for not letting her stay over there. She left to go over there tonight, would not give me a hug before she left. She ignored me and got in the van. I tried not to let her know it hurt me. She is the same way when she comes back, will not acknowledge me.
I talked to a psychologist today about her. Counselor thinks it is from the game the ex is playing. I feel like I'm a bad mom, that she resents me, etc.
Does your daughter ever do this sort of thing?