married 21 years

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
married 21 years
2
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 8:44am
Hello all, i have been to this website before and i have also been to the domestic violence center a couple of times for meetings, my husband is just plain abusive and i cant take anymore of this, when it first started along time ago it was physical but after a couple of times of me calling the police it has turned more verbal abuse, he controls all the money and he says that it is because i had control before and we ended up in a mess ( which is true) he gives me a allowance and that is suppose to cover all my needs if i need extra he says i have to talk to him, he will not support me going back to school with any money so i can better myself and i cant get finical help with grants because of the money he makes and has in the bank. I feel like im stuck cause i have no job, no skills and im 40 years old and still have 1 child at home to raise, my son is starting to talk smart to me cause he has heard his father call me dumb A-- so many times, i just wish i could leave this man and there were more jobs in my area so i could finically make it on my own, My mother and father are still living but they act like my life is beautiful cause i have a house etc, i have told them before about my problems but they dont act like they can help me out any and im there only child, what can i do? The shelther here acts like they just want to talk to me but i cant make it on talking, i need a job and money so i can get a apt and get away for this man before he drives me nuts, my life is halfway over(40 years old) and i have never been happy!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 9:33am
Hey whitelace,

Welcome to the board. I am 50 years old and just got out of a 27 year jail sentence aka marriage. Was I scared? Yep. Did I think I could make it? Nope. Well it will be 10 months next week and I am still alive and kicking. Read all the resources here on the homepage. Post as often as you want. Talk with the shelter. Remember though, no one is going to make you take action, they are there to help guide you to make choices. Taking action to get your life back is up to you. You can do it though, I did and so did many others here.

Before, the last thing I had to worry about was the balance in our checkbook. Now that is a major concern. You know what though, I have been out more, bought more for myself in the last few months than I have in the last 10 years. Poor me feels richer every day.

I was talking with a friend last night who was under similar circumstances. She has been out a couple of years now. She has just started classes at the local shelter to help others. She is amazed at what she is learning. She also made the comment, "You know, I never cared how I dressed or looked. Suddenly, I am starting to care about that." Monday, she is losing the home she had with her abuser at a tax sale. This includes 25 acres she bought off her parents. She is okay with that. What does she do for a living? She is a waitress and has plans to someday be a para-legal. She is making positive steps in her life. You can too. We are here to help you all we can.


Terry

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 11:40pm
Talking might be the first step to getting stronger to figuring out how to support yourself. All the pieces won't fall into place at once, you have to do it a little at a time.