me again..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
me again..
13
Thu, 04-28-2011 - 3:57pm

So last weekend, my decision was to somehow try make it through the next 3 years by devoting my time and energy elsewhere..here is what I am finding.

he still expects me to follow "his rules"..yes..so I can be somewhat of a go along with whatever..but I think that can only be to certain extent...Would you suggest I lay down my rules..and then be prepared to take the alternate step..if he doesn't compromise at all..I think that's what the legal rep wanted me to do..instead of a yes person..communicate what you will do or wont do..and see how he takes it. most likely he will escalate..I think as I write this..I am thinking.."people don't just change"..or even compromise..guess I was just trying to see if he meets me in the middle..I could have hung on..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: winter2007
Thu, 04-28-2011 - 7:17pm
We don't know what the future holds for us. Just take things day by day, live your life, and don't try to control the future. Life is managed, not cured.

Don't provoke him or anything, you can be assertive though, and if he does go on a rampage be ready to call the cops and go through with the R.O.

Be emotionally ready if that were to happen, don't back down, don't feel sorry for him or worry about his job.
sweets35
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
In reply to: winter2007
Thu, 04-28-2011 - 8:55pm

"Don't provoke him or anything, you can be assertive though, and if he does go on a rampage be ready to call the cops and go through with the R.O. "

Thanks sweets35..it is scary to be assertive though..i find myself reverting to "yes"..but i need to ..as unfortunately the law will not help me otherwise. If I dont want to be yes person..I need to state my point..and see what happens..it is a bit scary..as I know he will escalate..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: winter2007
Thu, 04-28-2011 - 9:20pm
It seems like you have a gut feeling something is about to happen soon.

If it does, don't be a dummy like me and not press charges. It will only hurt you and dd.
sweets35
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
In reply to: winter2007
Thu, 04-28-2011 - 9:27pm

Winter, I've been thinkin' about you and your situation.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
In reply to: winter2007
Thu, 04-28-2011 - 10:14pm

harmony..I so wish i had your post last friday..I did choke..I was all set to put into motion..but i think I let fears overtake it..I think we all agree I need to do something but I do have consequence both ways. Reason I choked or continue to is fear that he will not let go at least until dd is in college. And going back/forth will be a long struggle in court battles. On the other hand, not doing anything is not easy either..as my health continues to suffer..and no sane person can live like this. Plan is to be assertive enough and build a case for exclusive occupancy..anyway..I feel it is a matter of time..something will happen one way or other this summer..

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: winter2007
Fri, 04-29-2011 - 9:20pm

I will be posting my story soon as the anniversary of the day he almost killed me creeps up. My ex was mainly emotionally abusive but did get physical a few times and I thought I could stand up to him and set boundaries but it did not work and almost cost me my life!! I fully understand why you want to try this but I think it is better to leave then do this. When he is calm and rational he may agree but once he no longer is all bets are off and he will go right back to how he has been. He knows he has you were he wants you and I am sure he can see how this is effecting you and so he is not going to change. Sadly it is all on you on what to do and what you can handle.


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Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
In reply to: winter2007
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 7:05pm

you are right..it is debilitating putting up with his way or highway. I know all that stuff about standing upto him is going to go to the wind..I am just very tired to do ANYTHING..why have I turned into like this..I dont know..

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: winter2007
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 11:00pm

Because you are emotionaly drained!! What you are going though is taking an emtional toll on you and is sometimes how an abuser gets to keep abusing.


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Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
In reply to: winter2007
Tue, 05-03-2011 - 10:34am

so how to get the emotional strength back? why do i feel so tired to do anything..?

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
In reply to: winter2007
Tue, 05-03-2011 - 1:32pm
In a word - DEPRESSION. Winter, please consider contacting your doctor and getting some medication to help you deal with this. Otherwise, it's just going to get worse.

Mama Harmony

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