Me Again Needing Support
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|Fri, 05-20-2011 - 4:38pm|
Well, it has been a few days since I have posted anything. I went for about three to five days of receiving messages from my stbx saying that he wants to counseling with me, etc (I have already mentioned this part). Then, Wednesday I get a message from him cursing me and asking how could I have done this to him? He somehow found out about a class that I took one day and he now thinks I am messing around with the teacher. I took the class to conquer a fear and to do something for myself for a change. I had asked him several times previously in our relationship if he would go with me and he always said no, which meant that I could not go either. I don't know how he found out, but he also found out that a friend of mine is an instructor as a side job, however, he was NOT my instructor.
It frustrates me beyond imagination to not know how he knows I took this class and that he is bringing an innocent person into the middle of this mess. He began to consistantly message me berating me and telling me that he can't believe I would do something like this. He said that he would have done these things with me. I don't know if he is following me or having me followed or perhaps someone recognized my last name in the class and knows him. I have no idea and it is killing me. I know it really doesn't matter, but it is the idea of being watched, especially since I AM trying to move on and take care of myself for a change.
I called my lawyer and told him what he was doing and how I was shaking so mad (anger and being scared). He said that we are legally separated and that if I did do something it really wouldn't matter (my attorney had a conversation with his attorney to let him know of the harrassment and she agreed that it is beyond the point that it would matter). However, it makes me upset to be accussed of such and I feel like I can't have any close male friends.
After he posted something on my Facebook wall instead of a private message, I can say that I finally got up the "nerve" to delete him completely from my Facebook page. I feel like that is a good step for me, a big one, but I have that awful feeling of not being able to know what he is going to do next. My therapist said that it is the "flight or fight", my emotions have always depended on how he felt and I have to get through that. I am so concentrated on the current issue of feeling bad for having male friends that I am minimizing the abuse history.....the real reason we are here.
I am not questioning whether he will change or should I go back. He isn't going to change and I am not going back. I just need some "talking to" about how to handle the guilt and that it is okay to have male friends. Right? I was not allowed to talk to men during our marriage.
I hate that this was so long, but I wanted to say exactly how I feel and it is theraputic to type. Please give me some advice, encouragement, butt kicking or whatever I need. :)