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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
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Sun, 11-20-2005 - 9:36pm

I have been reading so much about abuse, and it really is an eye-opener for me. I will admit that I have mixed emotions though. I want to believe that he could change- only if there's a small possibility. I've heard the statistics, I've read about the patterns, and I would like to think that I am not in denial.


Part of the way I feel this way is influenced by my own life. I stated before that I grew up in an abusive household, and like a lot of people with that background, I have displayed my own measures of abuse. I was beat my whole life, and growing up I was a very violent person. However, I have spent a lot of time in counseling, and I haven't acted out physically in a long time. I had always thought being violent wasn't something that could be controlled because I surely wasn't in control of myself. I went to anger management, I dug through the heaps of childhood issues, and I really tried to heal myself. I now know that hitting someone is a choice, and can't really see that I would ever act out on anyone like that unless it was for self defense.


I have hit my husband before. I can sit here and blame it on all the things he was saying, etc. but it was my choice and I was being abusive. Was he being abusive, yes. But did that give me the right to be abusive, no. I don't think I would ever hit him again- ever because that's not the type of person I want to be, and its not ok. For me to sit here and say that he pushed me to that point- which is how I felt in my mind at the time- is just the same as any other abuser. It's not okay. He would have never put up with that type of abuse, and I can't put up with it either, however- I guess I'm angry because abuse is abuse. It's not okay

.emily.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
In reply to: sweet_hopes
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 8:42am

Neither one of my abusers would admit they were abusers, and they both turned everything around on me and call me the abusive one. I recommended the books to them, and they weren't interested, didn't even want to look at a single page.

I think these guys won't get help for abusive behavior because their sense of entitlement is so high that they really don't believe they're doing anything wrong. It's scary.

Something else you can check on when you call the hotline is support groups. They don't cost anything, and they're a good way to meet with people who've been through or are currently going through what you are.