more about me....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
more about me....
2
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 12:54pm
I just wanted to let you all know that yes he is still in jail till first week of November. He appears in front of the judge then to determine what sort of punishment he gets. Till then hes lost his job, and his home here with me and the boys. I found relief after I posted this, then read all your responces, especially

Annick

mommy to 5 boys

Sean

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 1:39pm

I am glad he is stuck away at jail till the first week of November. Till then you are safe. I want to suggest another board to you:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-rlmakeitstop&nav=start
I started going to the New Beginnings board after I left my abuser and it has really helped me. I still come to this board a lot too.

"I am a very protective person when it comes to people becoming attacked, and a very rude person to ones that are violent. Why is it that I cant be that way towards my , well, guess hes my ex now" *** I seem to feel the same way. For some reason I coulnd't stand up for myself towards my abuser. They make us weaker and make us depend on them and not stand up for ourselves. They make us feel guilty about being ourselves and we end up changing for them.. but they never change for us. This is just what I went thru.

I have not heard of any Abusers Changing stories, but that does not mean that there is none out there. But when abusers change, it really does take years and years to see results. It doesn't take months or days like they might claim.

Like another poster suggestion about the Lundy Bancroft book.. I totally suggest it too! It really is an amazing book with loads of information in it.

Take Care! We are all here for you
Lauren

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 8:57am
I read your other post, and I'm relieved to hear that you've decided not to marry him. As other posters have stated, it's not unheard of for an abuser to change, but it's statistically improbable. Just to give you an idea of what that 1% really means, in the ten-ish years of existence of this board, we have heard of ONE abuser who truly did change. That's out of the thousands and thousands of women who have posted here. I have heard of one other off of this board, but that individual accepted responsibility, went through YEARS of intense counseling, and did not expect his spouse to take him back. The odds just aren't with you, and you have made the right decision IMO.
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