More court drama

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
More court drama
11
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 12:57pm

OMG. I am so mad and upset right now. I just found out my court date got continued AGAIN!
The lawyers went to court today because my abuser/ex's lawyer asked to be removed from his case for "irreconcilable differences". Are they getting a divorce or what???? Apparently the lawyer couldn't get him to talk about anything, the case, his defense, nothing. So now he gets a new lawyer to manipulate. Goody. Does it ever end???
My comm atty said that the judge read them the riot act and said not to expect to come in March and get another continuance. But I'll hold my breath. My atty said he actually pissed the judge off because he was pretty mouthy about what does irreconcilable differences mean? Shouldn't they be able to know...
I told him that this is very frustrating; looking forward/anticipating the drama of court,etc. and then having the rug pulled out from under me. It's another victimization all over again. He apologized for the roller coaster. He also gave me some info about the trouble he's been in while in jail. He apparently got busted within the jail system for making those phone calls to me back in OCT/NOV. So they rode him and he kept lying about doing it and they gave him a polygraph which he failed!!! Ha! That feels good at least. They took some privileges away from him as punishment. So at least a little positive news.
I am so sick of this. He thinks he's controlling me by doing this and it does mess with my emotions. But I will win in the end. He can't run forever. Eventually he will have to face what he did to me!!!

Stephanie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 8:09pm

So this is divorce court? I am sorry you are being pulled apart by the legal and assinine delays.

I am encouraged to hear that you have taken this step. I haven't even looked into an attorney yet, even though I have made the decision.

The counselor suggested when I tell him, to do it in a "public" place. I would like to speak to an attorney first.

One step at a time for me. It makes me exhausted just thinking about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 9:50pm

Yes, he will.

When you got through the feeling bad phase? Remember this.
They will do ANYTHING to make themselves feel powerful and in control.

The best thing you can do is continue to document, continue to move on and forward, and never, EVER let him know he's getting to you. Practice a small smirk in the mirror, with one eyebrow slightly raised. Delicately cover your smirk with your finger tips (fingers help up straight, thumb curled in) and let the outside corners of your eyes crinkle like you're covering a bigger smile.

The next time there's an opportunity to watch him dig his own hole deeper? Do this. It's very 40's kitch, yet very effective.

Please don't forget that this guy is dangerous. If he gets out and you don't have an RO and people aware of it and him, you WILL be in danger. He will try to punish You for his circumstances.

Sorry about the roller coaster. You're right about tactics. Can your lawyer get a statement from his former lawyer? Wouldn't THAT send him off!?!

C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 10:38pm
No this is circuit court for a trial on all of the felony counts he committed against me and his sister/husband, running from the police... This is the big court with a judge trial. These are the charges the county brought against him. So my attorney is the Commonwealth's Attorney assigned to my case. He seems sharp. I will definitely ask him the questions that you guys have brought up today. My lawyer sees the manipulation, but I think it's a fine line between getting justice and pissing the judge off. I will see what y options are.
I was never married to this loser, so don't have to deal with a divorce. Once he goes to prison for this stuff I will have years to not worry about dealing with him. I think he'll have a permanent no contact order because I was a victim of his crime. More than just a protective order, I hope. Hopefully he won't get out until after our kids are out of school-about 5+ years for all 4 to be out of high school and his oldest will even be done with college. So we wouldn't see each other at the ball field etc.He should get a lenghty sentence but we'll see.
Thanks for the support.

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 10:49pm
Thanks for all of you listening to me. I don't want to feel like I thrive on drama. It's just what I am going through today. I know that I will get out of my funk in a day or so. I am allowed to be disappointed. This affects my emotional health, this forward/backward stuff. I just want finality. AS it is now, IF we actually go to court on March 8, then sentencing won't be until May. Life gets busy in the spring with our sons and his daughter playing on 2 baseball/softball teams I love this time of year, and for the first time in years I will actually get to interact with people instead of watching who talks to me that I will get in trouble for later. Yes. Freedom is wonderful.

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 10:51pm
What will the statement from the other lawyer do? Prove how difficult he is to deal with. I will ask but knowing him, he won't go for it. I don't know what it will have to prove in my case since he's admitted to some of the things he did. I'll ask and tell you how it goes. Thanks.

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 12:48pm

It's safest with witnesses, so he doesn't go nuts. I agree.

Do you think Dr. Phil has any openings! Can't get more public than daytime TV!

Ok, a McDonalds would do. :)

C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 6:46pm

Hard to say what a statement might do.
His "lengthy sentence" might not be so lengthy, because in the scope of crime and jail overcrowding, he's harmless. Not to you, but...

So if you have a statement from his lawyer about his lack of cooperation, it might bolster your request to get a permenant RO from him. There are no such thing in this state as a permenant RO, as a matter of fact. And plus, since when do people like him actually think the law applies to them?

The longer you can keep him in, obviously the better. If your lawyer can figure out a way that his lawyer's observation or statement might bolster a DV case, great.

As a secondary prosecution or method to keep him away from you, I'd press on with a DV prosecution, too. See what your lawyer says. Does he know you think he's going away for a long time? What's his opinion, other than the guy is a jerk?

C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 1:47am
I talked to my lawyer yesterday and the adovcate again today. Whenever I email her, she gets in touch with him and they talk. She called me back today. No,my lawyer(the comm atty) can't get a letter from the other attorney. There is attorney client privilege. When it comes down to sentencing and I get to write/testify to my victim impact statement I can include the effects of all this dragging everything out...and so on. What a list that will be.
The comm atty has figured the ex out from day one. When I went in to meet him the week after my incident, he already had x's lengthy criminal files/record. He calls the ex names all the time and stated that he is a menace to society, not just to me. And I got my expectation of a "lengthy" sentence from the atty. Along with the abduction; b/e with deadly weapon with intent to rape/rob/or murder;theft of credit card;theft of my check;possession of cocaine;b/e sister's house w/ theft of 2 guns there, felony elusion of police, possession of firearm by felon....need I go on. All of these charges are against him when we go to court. The firearm conviction will get him a mandatory 5 years because it's his second. The lawyer said that, plus they have to get the sentencing guidelines for his offenses from the probation dept. But some of these charges carry 10-15-life sentences. He won't get life from this, but he looks to serve a bit of time. These arent' his first offenses, he has a huge record. I only go by what the professionals tell me as I am new to this.
AS far as a perm protective order, because I am the victim, he will never be able to contact me again. I will have a permanent no contact order when it all comes down.
I knew from the beginning not to count to much on anything that I haven't heard with my own ears. My philosophy is I'll believe it when it happens.

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 9:56am
Hon, you're totally right.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 10:05pm

Bless your amazing little heart!
And you stuck with this guy!?! Wow. At least he really dug his own grave, didn't he?

I admit to catching up and not knowing all the details, but based upon what you just wrote? I can see where you are pretty darned confident!
I hope you'll understand and forgive me for being the heavy and asking.

I'm glad you have a true advocate and atty on your side. Hold them dear!!

Well, whether it means anything or not, I'm pulling for you.
C.

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