more scared now than before

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
more scared now than before
2
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 3:14pm
Hi, never been here before and never thought I would be, but I'm hoping to change things for the better for myself and my beautiful son. I'll try and keep this short and to the point.

My H and I were married two years ago after I became pregnant, we bought a house together and it goes downhill from there.

It is impossible to have a discussion with H even about the littlest of things without him blowing up. When he gets angry, it's like he just explodes, there is no gradual build up or frustration signs that warn me he's getting mad, he just gets mad like flipping a light switch on. He stands over me with his face inches from mine (his face turns red, veins pop out and the look in his eyes are that of a wild animal)and screams at the top of his lungs calling me names, out of insticts I put my hand out to keep him away from me, he hits my hand out of the way or he'll go so far as to say that I'm hitting him and to not touch him or he'll call the police (he only started reacting that way after I called the cops on him once) He spits in my face, he throws things at me; glasses, baby gates or what ever happens to be near him at the time. He has thrown me down on the ground or slammed me into the cabinets, he's ripped all the phones out of the walls when I try to call the police, when I say I'm leaving he takes all the car keys and even goes out and disables the cars. I have said things to him that I'm not so proud of and he says that it's my fault that he does get that angry, although he'll deny ever touching me. He put his hand around my hand one time and hit it on my mouth, my teeth cut thru my lip and to this day he says that he did not hit me because it was my hand that hit my face. I'm so frusterated that he can't see that he has a serious problem with his anger. I try to be strong during the fights I yell back and have hit him back a few times, I do this hoping that he would see that he doesn't intimidate me(although he does) and that maybe he would just give up, but he won't. I talked him into going to counceling once and once was all he went, he says he doesn't have time. He calls throughout the days to check up on me and if I don't answer the phone right away I'm interigated as to why. If I'm at the store longer than he thinks is a sufficient time I'm interigated again, when I'm on the phone: who am I talking to, when I'm on the internet he stands over me watching, He has continuously told me that everything is his, the house cars whatever you name it, because he works and I stay home with our son. I could go on and on and I feel so stupid for staying with him for as long as I did and I don't want this life for our son. So I left last week and filed papers (I'm waiting for the judges approval) Now I'm even more scared of what his reaction is going to be to the papers. I also know that he is going to try and say that I'm the abusive one and that I cause everything. What scares me most is that he has the ability to fool people into believing that he is this wonderful guy? Will the judge be able to see thru him and see him for what he really is? Help from anyone would be wonerful. Good luck to everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 4:53pm
You ARE being abused and if you can, try and go down to the police station where you called the cops on him and get a copy of that report to bring with you, and if its just divorce papers hes been served with, try and get a restraining order to make sure he doesnt come near you or your son. If you have a child togther it can be lengthened to include him too and grant you temporary custody of him too, until you go for custody which you should do along with the divorce. When you get a copy of the RO or PO(protective order) and be sure to include as much as you can about all this abuse even non physical stuff as it's ALL DV and that your in constant fear for you and your son's safety. If you want to relocate and you have a way to or even a DV shelter relocate if you can, as some men dont listen to ROs or POs. this is NOT your fault, I hope you realize that, he IS an abuser. They manipulate, control and get you under their thumb. It is in NO way your fault you stayed they manipulate situations and our minds to do this they are master manipulater's and at least in this state they no longer blame the victim's anymore. there are many reasons why we stay. I also found out from a CL on a sister board that when they call to check up as my bf does, when you leave most likely they WILL stalk you. its a classic sign that they are stalking material. i never knew that. My bf is the same way when it comes to the store, running errands, calling etc. he will even say "Im checking up on you". So an RO or PO is probably the best way to go too as he probably WILL stalk you and thats dangerous. Im glad you found this board as evryone is supportive and has gone through the same or similar things. we're all here for you no matter what decisions you make in your life and we dont judge you. Welcome to the board and thanks for posting, keep us updated as to what happens and what is going on with you. I wish you and your son the best of luck! kepp your head up high, you made the first step to leave!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 2:56am

Welcome to the board, imagin4me.

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

The minute you settle for less than you