My 2 cents worth . . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
My 2 cents worth . . . .
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 9:07am
The post about 'Am I Crazy?' really got me to thinking. I doubted myself for years and thought maybe I was just overly jealous, but I really believe I was being 'played'. My STBX was constantly watching women. If we went out to eat he couldn't concentrate on what I was talking about because he was always watching some woman's 'caboose' as she walked by. If there was a pretty woman sitting at a table close to us he was constantly looking at her. He didn't just casually look, he watched! Now a look doesn't bother me. I will look at a good-looking guy, but I honestly think it is extremely disrespectful to be out with your wife and spend the whole time 'watching' for other women! He's 46 years old and would pick MTV's Spring Break over any other tv show. If we were watching a movie and a sex scene came on we weren't expecting and our daughter was in the room, he was always too mesmerized to turn the channel for her. He has cheated and then turned around and told me I deserved it. Once I found a letter from a woman and he tried to blame it on my son for finding it and showing it to me! Well, my son didn't, but he had to have somebody to blame! It definitely wasn't his fault! He went through periods where he was obsessed with porno. When he got in from work he would immediately jump on the internet and his time was spent there until 7:00 when the 'good' tv shows would come on. Then he would be on the internet the first thing on Sunday morning. There were many times he wouldn't come to bed at night because he would have to sit up and watch porno on tv. We've gone to the beach with the kids and when I got the pictures back I discovered he'd taken a picture of some woman! He made a video of us in the bedroom one night (without my knowledge). When I found the tape I was crushed. I went to him and calmly told him I couldn't believe he'd done this he told me I was a nosey b---h and I should be glad he picked me to video instead of somebody else!

Of course, there are many, many, many more stories I could tell - this stretched out over 27 years! I know now that a good man, one who truly loves you would never, never, ever say or do those things to you. Or if he did, it would happen once, he'd discover he'd hurt you and care and never do it again. I guess I doubted myself, that maybe I was too jealous, but now I see I wasn't at all. He deliberately wanted to hurt me and destroy me. The realization of these things helps me go through with this divorce. I know someone else wouldn't treat me this way.

Now I'm going through the stress of his lies and manipulations. For instance, in court Tuesday, he showed his company tax return and tried to say he only made $800 last year! He is constantly hiding money, not running checks through his account, etc. I never even thought that on our personal return that he had a W-2 where he'd paid himself a salary. They didn't decide child support because I had things showing where he'd hidden money. However, the judge asked him if he'd been making the mortgage payment (he hasn't) but he said yes, he'd been making it every month. Well, he hung himself because the judge told him he thought that since he'd been making it that it was only fair for him to keep making it since I was receiving no maintenance! That lie back-fired on him. He told our son that he was paying $800 a month rent where he was living and having to making our mortgage payment of $800!!!! That's a lie - first of all, our mortgage is $509 a month and rent is fairly cheap around here and he would have to be renting an executive home to be paying $800 a month rent! He's such a POS!

If you have doubts and it's happened again and again, it's going to keep happening! They don't change - well, yes, they do. They change their tactics, but the abuse is just as bad or even worse. They just change the tactics so you can't say you do that particular thing anymore they once did. As far as they're concerned, they are perfect! My STBX will tell you he's a good person and that he treated me like a queen! Like I said, he's a POS!

Hugs,

Jackie