Is my DD being verbally abused?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2006
Is my DD being verbally abused?
1
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 11:01am
Hi all,
My DD is 16 and has been in a relationship with a 15 yr old boy for almost a year now. The last few months all they do is fight all the time. It seems to always be her fault. She has told me he says mean things to her when they are fighting. One thing is she is so low she is the scum on the bottom of his shoe. She says he points his finger in her face sometimes when they fight, I have acutually seen him get in her face when they were fighting at school and he didn't know I was there watching. I've seen him call her F***er in a message on my space and then say OH I was only kidding. I have seen a message she sent another kid who even told her he is controlling her that she just likes to do anything to make him happy. She even told me he believes if a woman hits a man the man has every right to hit back. He said if you hit me I will hit you back. Then she said she asked him again about it and he said, no way I would never hit you and she seems fine with that answer!!! When they are getting along she just seems devoted to him like he has done no wrong. OH and he has broken up with her at least 4 times and she just takes him back when he says sorry and says sweet things to her. He says things like you deserve better than me, you are all I have, I love you more than anything. She just accepts all the bad after that.
My DH and I have just told her yesterday she is NOT aloud to see him outside of school anymore. She is upset to say the least. How do I get her to see this is a patterned verally abusive relationship????? Please help me help her!!! I'M SOOOO torn up about this, I am a mess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 11:23am

YES. Calling someone a f@#er is absolutely verbal abuse, as is the rest of his behavior.

You're fortunate in that she is still a minor, so you have a bit more control over her actions than do the relatives of many DV victims. Just be careful that it doesn't turn into a "Romeo and Juliet" thing in her head, but I think you're on the right track by not letting her see him outside of school.

I would follow that up with getting her into counseling, with a counselor that SPECIALIZES IN DOMESTIC ABUSE. The specialization is super important, because the counselor must know how to handle the special issues that arise with DV in order to be able to help her.

Best of luck, and do let us know how it goes.

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