My Ex wrote me an email..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
My Ex wrote me an email..
3
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 9:42am

For people who dont know  my story I was married for 10 years to a very verbally and emotionally and sometimes physically abusive man.. We divorced in 2007 and somewhere down the  road because of my extreme codependency we became somewhat friends... I havent spoken to or seen my ex in a very long time.. He moved to another state and in with his gfriend of a few years..I assumed maybe he changed but I really dont know..and I dont care (really??)

The other day he sent me an email asking me how I was and how we survived in Hurricane Sandy and all.. I am not sure what to make of it but he did say he and his gfriend havent killed each other yet and that all was fine.... At first it stung because I was thinking maybe he did change and they are happy but then I had mixed feelings about it and then it completely went out of my head.. because most of the time I am doing very well...

I know what you all will say to totally disengage and block him but I really okay and very indifferent towards it all. Heck its been so many years and so much water under the bridge and I could care less about him.. Actually I would care if he died because I would inherit a ton ofmoney (long story)and I was thinking I would like to live in the apt. he built for free onto our old marital home.. Right about now I need a place to live so thinking it could be an option.. No one is living  there except some family in main house and I might have to be caretaker as ex rented it all out and he cant have strangers living there. Oh; Bingo maybe that is why he wrote.. He was always up to something.. (lol)

So do I find out or just let it go.. I really am in dire need of a place to live though..

thanks for listening...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-1998
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 11:38pm

((HUGS)) I know how tempting it is to do this for him because you need a place to stay but I don't think it a good idea. Once an abuser always an abuser. And I know you think you felt nothing but by your reaction to the fact he may have changed I think it got to you and so think you shouldn't respond. I know its hard. My ex contacted me and I wanted to tell him off and it took everything I had not to but I am so glad I didn't because it never does any good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2009
Thu, 12-13-2012 - 2:52am

Hi Freeatlast: I really can't give any advice since I'm not qualified (I'm still technically in my relationship though I've had no contact for 10 days now), so I'm not really qualified. I do think that queen.brat makes a very good point though that maybe it wouldn't be a good idea simply because of all the history you two have. I don't know maybe he'd hold it over your head and it would cause more grief than relief. The frustration and grief may not be worth it. Ultimately though you know your situation better than anyone and you have to decide what is best for you. Your in my thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 12-13-2012 - 2:13pm

thank you girls for giving me a reality check.. I still wonder why I need a reality check after so many years.. I do know that when so many years pass its hard to remember the abuse and think wow maybe they have changed but then again yes who cares because I dont really have to deal with ex anymore.. I guess I just get a bit nostalgic from time to time and remember our good times... I have forgiven but I wont forget ..I also still feel like I want that revenge sometimes and know he isnt doing well and that would make me feel better but I guess I will never know and it could all be lies anyway....

Yes; he would probably hold that above my head if I asked to live in that apt.. I keep forgetting he is a very mean person and the Nice person comes out when he wants something. Geeezzzzzzzzzz the things I forget so quickly as my  life as been 100 times better without him in it.. since 2007..

thanks again