MY feelings, MY opinions

Avatar for ples62
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
MY feelings, MY opinions
2
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 10:52am
With the help of this board and the sister board, I am able to see things that for so long bothered me and those things that bothered me, I swept under the rug, tried to bury them because some hurt, some I didn't understand and there wasn't anyone around me.

I don't remember how I found this board, it was in 2001 I think, so long ago now. I'm am forever grateful that I have found it. There were days when I wish I hadn't found it. Because of the stuff I have learned here, I can never go back to sweeping those things under the rug. They have continued to resurface as have all those incidents in the past. And I got really depressed. I wished, and prayed, and begged, and pleaded to God, to the Angels, to anyone to tell me what to do, to give me a reason to run away from him. But nobody did. Everyone kept saying if its right, when its right. How depressing.

BUT - HEALTHY! I realized something last night. My 17 yo daughter got mad at US about something. We have a different opinion about something she should do than she does. Anyway, there wasn't enough time to discuss it with her, she had to be to work, so off she went with no further discussion. After she left, my dh says to me "You made her mad." Boy did that bother me. But I couldn't figure out why. Until this morning. And I realized that NO ONE CAN MAKE SOME FEEL A CERTAIN WAY! AND I TOLD HIM!! I said "I didn't make her mad, she CHOSE to be mad."

And that is when I realized - he really thinks he can MAKE others feel a certain way. I remember so many years ago, wondering if he thought that I was really that easily persuaded, we had had some sort of an arguement, he was upset with me over something, must have been that someone was talking with me and I know realize that HE WAS AFRAID that THEY would convince me to leave him, so he had to sulk and be upset because HE BELIEVES others can MAKE others feel certain ways!!!

Ah, the light bulb is definitely on a dimmer switch for me!! But I'm getting there. I wrote this in hopes of others out there that are in an emotionally abusive relationship may recognize this as something their significant other is doing.

Blue, buff and some many other long timers here who have 'put up with me' - I look at it this way - I'm building a really strong foundation on which to build my future. With your kind words, gentle encourage and stark truths - I am getting there.

thank you!

Pam

Avatar for buffphone
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 6:31pm
Everyone in their own time dear Pam. You are making great strides and they are at your pace so don't feel bad that it didn't click in sooner.

Hugs

Buff

Avatar for silvermoon458
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 10:46pm
Awesome, Pam! That is a huge revelation for sure. I think it is wonderful that you are seeing more and more clearly how he really is.

As for 'putting up with' you... not in the least! You are a special member of this board, and we are lucky to know you!

Hugs and luv,

Christine

Outside ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. I will meet you there. -- Rumi