my problem...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2004
my problem...
1
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 2:06pm
Hi well i dunno if this is the right place to be posting this but i figure if its not the place to get advice here...then perhaps someone could point me in the right direction to the appropriate board! :) id really appreciate it. thanks

so my problem...im married to a military man we were married six months ago right after we were married he was deployed and as it turned out i got pregnant before he left (i foudn out two weeks after he left) before all of this things between us were wonderful we got along great had a few problems but nothing major... anywyas i had a very hard first trimester... i was at emergency every week with spotting having "threatening miscarriages" then just as i started to get better i got the flu and was admitted to the hospital on IV for a little while. anyways he came back the beginning of june and for obvious reasons i needed help around the house as i was still quite weak. before i got pregnant we had had plans to go away and to do summer stuff iwth our friends (camping and such) since i was so sick this was not possible. anwyays he started acting like a little child wouldn't help me out and everything. i suggested he go for counselling which he did. and was diagnosed thru a depression inventory with Severe Depression about a week bfore he was diagnosed with this i had started talking to his mother trying to find out if there was a history of any of this when he was younger...it turns out everything he had tol dme about hsi life since we met was a LIE! he had lied about everything i suddenly felt like i didn't even know this person and was getting scared. before he had gone for counselling he was getting violent throwing fits, punching walls then in less than two minutes coming back and hugging me to say he loved me. it was just blowing my mind. when i confronted him about the lies he denied them and said that he believed they were all true. so after he was diagnosed and depressed i took him to the hospital to get a psychiatric assessment done and they gave him a antidepressant(Celexa 40 mg) and Ativan they told us he had to go thru the psychiatrist with the military. so we made an appt for that... he had finally admitted to myself just before that that he knew he was lying about that stuff and just didn't want to admit it. when he saw the psychiatrist thisdr also added Risperdal to his medication (0.5 mg) he also told the psychiatrist that he was sexually abused by his friend when he was 18. soon after this he started becoming almost obsessed with me... staring at me smiling all the time watching me wherever i went in the house id wake up at 3am and hed be wide awake staring at me. i was getting very creeped out so i had him into see the dr again. they upped the dosage of his medication the Celexa(from 40mg to 60mg) and his risperdal (from 0.5mg to 1mg) per day. soon after all of this i called the guy who he had said abused him and found it wasn't abuse but a consentual gay experience (only 4 years ago) when i confronted him he admitted to it. so i then left him... right after i left he went out replaced all my furniture the next day and asked for the rings back to get money. so it went like that and with him calling up crying for me to come home. two weeks later i went back to give it another shot. he admited that hed been "acting crazy" to not get caught lying and told the drs that and they took him off the risperdal just like that. but i also found out that he had started telling more lies when i went back. he was telling people he didnt know if the baby was his and while hed been calling me up crying for me to go back hed been trying to hook up with his exgirlfriend. finally a week after leaving i went back again. while i was there he had also addmitted he was jealous of the baby even tho it wasn't there yet. he never showed any interest in my pregnant self or the baby the entire time except to get himself out of troub.le. just want to see what other people think of all of this i guess? ? thanks


Bella

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
In reply to: bella343
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 7:44pm
hi bella. i am not an expert but i have a questioon for you...how do you feel when you are around him? i dont mean when everything is laughs and giggles. i mean when you are just sitting around doing nothing, or when you think about all the things that you have found out. do you want to feel this way all the time because if you stay, you will and it will get worse. not only the way you feel but they way that he treats you. if he is jelouse of the baby now, how do you think he is going to react when the sweet one gets here? God only knows what he could do.i say dont stay. leave and be safe and happy or you and that child. my H didnt do anything when i was pregnate with my 1st child. i worked 8.5hrs a day on my feet, then had to come home, wash dishes, clean the house, wash clothes. i was told that i was lazy because i wouldnt wash the dishes for days. when i got off work, after i sat down, i couldnt get off the couch unless i crawled, my back hurt so bad. the situation didnt get any better. after he was born, the SOB had to watch him while i went to work. well, my son would be wearing the same thing he had on when i left and was still in the crib when i got home. i stayed with this man for 9 years. please dont make the same mistake. especially if he is lying. i have found out soooo much about the man that i loved. he has had several affairs and lies about where his money is going. if he put the washcloth on the sink and i asked him if he had he would say no. just about the litte things. its like and addiction.

keep your head up and think about that baby's future as well as yours. i want it to be a happy one.

BIG HUGS

shay