My Protection Order was thrown out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2005
My Protection Order was thrown out!
4
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 9:27am

As I have stated on this board previously before I am a victim of abuse for the last 3.5 years of my 14 year marriage. I had enough and finally moved out 12/05, after filing for divorce on 11/23.

This abuse has continued even with the separation and our divorce being almost final. A month ago, when I went to get my oldest daughter becuase of how upset she was with him and the mental abuse he was inflicting on her, he attempted to push me out of our marital house and shut my foot in the door, I in self defense struck him to get him away from me...

It has continued with my 12yo daughter running from him to avoid being physically abused to my mothers house down the block also another time of my mom having to go to the house and get her out of there becuse of the fear he was inflicting on her and he not letting me near the house to come get her.

On Mother's Day, he snapped and ripped from my van by the front of the shirt and then shoving me with all his strength that I hit the ground, tearing my shirt and I ended up having bruising across my chest and my body being stiff and sore from the impact. This was after he had went after our daughter again and yanking her arm enough that it warranted xrays...

The following morning I went to the Domestic Violence office (SAFE) and filed a PFA against him. A temporary order was granted by the judge with no changes. The final hearing is 5/24 and I am terribly scared it will be overturned. I am not sure if others have had this fear or if it is because I have tried to get a PFA before (3 times) and could not beucase it was only mental/emotional and there was a good chance it would not be granted because there are no physical signs...

I am just sitting here trying to be strong for my 2 girls, but I am a mess inside... My youngest is having a difficult time becuase she is so close to him and cannot have any contact with him for the time being. My oldest told me she is happier knowing this order is in effect and is not as afraid and can sleep now.

This is what happened today at the hearing for the permanent PFA...
Right now I am in a state of shock with today's events in court and the final order of PFA I had against my STBX being thrown out, because it did not appear there was enough evidence to warrant a final one. I am sure there has something to do with the idiot attorney I had that works with the Domestic Violence Agency and is similar to a Public Defender for civil cases. He only presented the photos of my injuries, did not submit the Dr's report nor did he bother to show my shirt as evidence that had been torn and the grass stained pants. Instead, he let my STBX'a attorney tear my credibility apart, right down to the fact I have battled depression and had relapses twice in our 14 year marriage and the fact that when I left the STBX I had got involved with another person. The idiot sat there and said nothing! The investigating state police officer who was their witness also stated on the stand that he thought I should be the one that has the PFA against me and the wrong person was granted one! My attorney did nothing at all!

To top it off I found out today that the STBX is not going to have any charges bought against him, which was to originally be harassment as was previously told to me by this officer-he felt that what the X did to me was warranted in a form of some type of defense????

I am not sure anymore what warrants a PFA, did I have to be stabbed, shot, mamed in some way, have a limb broken or what to get this to stick? I truly feel the system let both of my daughters and myself down today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 10:05am

I agree that the system let you and your daughter down. That's how abusers work, though. They can be convincing. They are so manipulative. Don't give up. Keep doing the right thing, whatever that might be right now. Keep asserting your boundaries and focusing on your own healing and your daughters. I pray that although you were let down by the system today, that you will be encouraged and you will have courage to keep moving forward. I'm sooo sorry for what you had to go through today. I pray for supernatural protection. Protection that is above the law system. A spiritual shield around you and your daughter. Lundy Bancroft's website had an article on how abuser use the system to continue to abuse their victim. Check it out if you feel you want more insight. Here is the link http://www.lundybancroft.com/

Huge Hugs! This is NOT your fault. This is NOT your fault. You are not the abuser. We all know he is the liar. You are not alone.

Love,
Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 5:30am
Im so sorry! That is horrible!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2005
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 9:05am

My daughters and I started our first counseling session yesterday (Thursday). Nothing real intense, basically a get to know session. My oldest, told me that after being returned to her fathers and learning he was not going to work that night she was afraid to go to sleep!

I am still debating on filing a complaint against my attorney and his lack-luster behavior in the courtroom with the legal firm he is with. What scares me, is this is whom was to represent me at my 6/6 custody modifacation hearing-after learning what he is like-I am not walking but running to get a new attorney! This guy was complete idiot!

I will keep you all posted, but once again I am back to living in fear!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 9:04pm
Honey, have a talk with that new attorney as soon as possible, and meanwhile document every single time that jerk ex sets a toe out of line.