My Son is Worried that the Baby Will Experience A Similar Babyhood to His Own

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Registered: 01-03-2011
My Son is Worried that the Baby Will Experience A Similar Babyhood to His Own
3
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 5:39pm

My 4 yr old ds started having some issues with bed wetting and pooping in his pants after being potty trained for quite a while and never having had any bed wetting issues. After prying a little deeper, it seems that there is a possibility that my ds fears that this baby will have to endure some of the things he went through as a baby. His bio-dad/my ex-husband is really just a bad human being... so now, ds associates babydom with suffering. He loves his little brother so much already and has expressed some major concerns about the safety of the baby. DH and I didn't even think about this as an issue. So, we've scheduled ds for some play therapy to get a bit of a psychological "tune-up." This is kinda the first time DH has really experienced first-hand the backlash from my first marriage and I can tell he's anxious about all of this. I'm very nervous also about the initial parent meeting with the therapist where I have disclose all the nitty-gritty details.

Has anyone else had any experience with this issue?

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001

Oh Chipper, I know this is just breaking your heart.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000

Think about when you are sharing your history you are enlightening those who wish to help you. The more they know about what you and ds went through the better they will be able to help you find healing as well as tools to help your ds.

An idea you can do, but double check with ds's therapist just in case there would be a conflict, would be to give your son a box where he can put his fears. Since he is young, he may be able to take old magazines and cut pictures out that might be a way to communicate what he is feeling or fearing. then there is two options from this point. If you feel strong enough, he can bring the picture to you and the two of you can discuss what those feelings are and where they may be coming from then he can put the picture in the worry box to share with the therapist on the next session. you can make notes of what he shared about each picture in the box so the therapist can have an idea what ds needs to talk about. The other option would be if you dont feel you are strong enough or ready enough to process these feelings with him in fear they may trigger you. Then he can just put the picture in the worry box to share with the therapist at the next appointment. Just taking the emotions out of the individual and tucking it away in a safe place to deal with later helps tons.

Just remember, the more you can share with the people around you that want to help the better the tools you are giving them to help you. Yes it is embarrasing, yes you believe you should have all of this behind you, but the fact is it happened and it is now a large part of who you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Harmony - I lucked out in getting a pretty amazing dh and ds.
Frustratedwith3 - I think that's a great idea about the bandana's. I will definitely bring that up with the therapist.
Thank you both for all the support and input. it's definitely one of those times where I feel pretty helpless, but we're all working through it.