My story
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My story
| Sun, 06-26-2005 - 11:58pm |
I was married to a man who abused my 9 year old son. I had him arrested and am in the prosess of a divorce. I met my boyfriend before my husband and I split up. He is bipolar with psycotic features as well as me and my son are. When we met he was taking his meds and everything was going fine at first. I got pregnant and had to change meds and frankly they did not work that well but I had to be on something and that med was the safest for the baby. We started out arguing and then once I was pregnant he changed. With out his meds he gets mean. At first it was just arguing then one day he threw a can of something and hit me in the arm. Then he got to where he was slaping me in the mouth for mouthing off to him or for cussing. Then one day while I was cooking dinner we got into an argument over something. I was just trying to talk to him and he said I was to shut up and do as he said and that got me angry so I told him I did not take orders. That is when he got so mad at me he shoved me into a hot stove. It became a regular accurance as well as getting popped in the mouth. Finally he got to the point that he was elbowing me in the stomach hard enough to make me sick. He said it was an accident and look at what you mad me do because of your mouth. At that time I was not one to take things without saying what I felt and sometimes I was loud about it. The whole time I was pregnant this happened and he felt sorry for doing it. My 2 kids got scared of him he would not let them go down stairs to there aunt's house when we would get into it. I at some point became scared of him myself and tried to keep my mouth shut as much as possible but when I would try to discuss finances or anything with him it started the fights. At one point in this time frame he pulled his pistol out and told me he would put a bullet in my head if I tried to leave. He did this in front of his 9 year old daughter who was visiting. I had my baby on 1-14-05 and my baby had to be taken to the nicu for blood sugar testing and ended up being very sick. He was in the nicu for 2 weeks after he was born because he had severe acid reflux plus he was a few weeks early. I am diabetic bipolar and have asthma. I was in and out of the hospital while I was pregnant and this mad my boyfriend mad at me. My boyfriend was good to me for about a month after I had baby boy but on March first we got into it because he had slacked off and of course he lied to me about going and getting back on meds to help with the violnce. He is violent when not on meds. He is out right dangerous some times. He would not help with the baby at all he said he was the big **** in the family and I was to take care of the kids house and cook by myself because he worked and paid bills. I paid more than he did I am on disability so I paid a fair share of the rent bought all the food and paid half the cable with someone else. Anyway I got angry and started yelling at him that I was exhausted and needed a break from baby for a little while to sleep. He hit me in the mouth or popped me as he likes to say and shoved me into the crib. That was the end of it or so I thought. 2 hours latter I was holding the baby in my arms trying to sleep because baby sleeps with mom and dad he won't sleep in his bed. My hand was on my boyfriends pillow kind of by his face and he was still mad from earlier and flung my arm and screamed at me. I put my hand back and told him I have the baby laying here this is the only place to put my hand at the moment. He grabbed my hand and got my finger and told me he was going to break it. Sure enough he twisted it and it broke a chumk off my finger by the knuckle I screamed dropped baby on bed and fell to the floor in pain crying. He gets down there crying saying he was sorry and blah blah blah. I went to the hospital the next and and sure enough it was broke. I had it in a splint for 2 weeks then my hand and part of my arm was in a cast for 2 more weeks then a splint again. I have to have surgery to fix the bone I finally got fed up waiting to find a hand surgen and took the splint off to take care of baby. I still need surgery I still have a broken finger. I am still angry with him for in my mind messing me up to where I can't function well because he broke my index finger on my right hand and you guessed it I am right handed. He was arrested 3 weeks after this happened for assualt of a family member with bodily injury but instead of charging him with a felony witch they said would happen if my bone was broke it was charged as a mistemeanor. I got him to let me move back to Oklahoma and he was supposed to stay in Dallas and work that lasted all of 3 weeks and he signed the lease on my house because it was his house to supposedly. Well now that I have moved Texas can not supiona me to court so I can testify against him so no jail time for him because he is taking my car to go to court in Texas and I can't get there to testify so nothing is going to happen to him. In the mean time his boss tells him he can do anything to me short of something serious to put me in the hospital and the police won't touch him so he is not scared anymore he has me where he wants me. He has told me if I leave he would kill me and that he would take all 3 of the kids. He threatens to have me comitted to a psyc ward for arguing with him. He calls me names infront of my kids and degrades me infront of them. He tells me I am a bad mother and that I don't care about anyone but myself and when I point out that I love the kids he tells me I don't. He say's alot of things that hurt me to the point that I cry. I feel like a bad mom and a horrible person for not keeping my mouth shut. I am scared he will take my kids from me because he actually has alot of my family members on his side because he goes and talks to them all the time and I can't go with him. They know I used to be wild as a kid and a teen and they think I still am. The only one who knows that I am not like that completley is my grandmother but even she loves this man to death and thinks this fighting is my fault mostly because I am not as old fashioned as she is and I should please the man. He has to this date pulled his gun on me 4 times today being the most recent. Every time he say's he will put a bullet in my head if I leave and all I can do now is scream at him do it I would be happier and he say's keep messing with me and I will. Then he say's he is going to have me comitted and that he has it worked out with my family he can put me in the hospital and they will help him with the kids while he gets custody. I don't know what to do anymore. I am scared he is going to kill me if I leave or he is going to take the baby who he screams at instead of being a dad. He threatens to spank my 5 month olds rear. He would hurt my kids if he had them and I know that. If I step in when he is disaplining my 2 kids not his at all he screams at me to shut up and we end up fighting but at least his anger is at me and not them. As long as I take care of baby and the other two by myself and not ask him for any help with them they are fine no yelling at them or any threats to them. I have to go I have only had 2 hours sleep in the last 24 hours and I am really tired he had a call that took him to dallas so I can sleep some tonight until he gets home. I could not call the police for help when he pulled the gun on me today. Where we live out in the country it takes at least 15 minutes speeding to get here from town and around here it takes the sherrifs department 30 minutes at least to get here and that's if they hurry. I would be dead before help got here. I am scared alone and hurting badly. He has made me feel so unloved and worthless.

Hi,
My baby had low blood sugar when he was born too and also spent 9 days in the NICU. I think now that the abuse I suffered and horrible stress I was under affected him like that. But the good news is now, he is great and you would never know what happened to him.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE call your local domestic violence shelter. They can take you and your kids and get you into a safe house, where he won't and can't get to you. In the off topics section you will see a checklist of ways to tell if your abuser is lethal and access to weapons and threats to kill are high on the list. I know you feel like giving up, but you children need you and you already stated that you know he would hurt them if he had them. Never mind, your family abusers are charmers and good con artists otherwise they would not con anyone into believing any of their story and dating them in the first place.
I know you are tired and just spent. I was there too. Take care of yourself and your kids by getting to a safe house and getting healthy and whole again. Safe houses are great and take a holistic approach to help with counseling, medical issues, legal issues and transitions into places of your own to live in safety. Even if it is in another town, please seek the safe house out. The safehouse can even have the police meet you and take you there if needed.
Let us know how you are doing.
J
Oh honey my heart is going out to you right now.