Narcissistic Tendencies?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Narcissistic Tendencies?
1
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 9:57am

Hi all. I had a long conversation with my H yesterday, following another long conversation we had on Saturday evening. Basically, he has admitted that his therapist has been treating him for narcissistic tendencies. If you ask me, it's not a tendency. He's a full-blown narcissist. But, whatever.

So we're having this conversation Saturday night when he tells me that he feels relief that I threw him out. Then he tells me that he has an awesome career opportunity in another country and he's thinking seriously about it. Hello???? Anyone home, McFly???? You're thinking about moving to another country for 2 years and commuting home on weekends? And leaving me a single-mother of a handicapped child. With plenty of money, mind you. But still. And get out! HE'S RELIEVED that it's over????

So I asked him about it again on Sunday morning. "WHat do you mean exactly that you're relieved the marriage is over??" He spouts out a litany of things I've done to annoy him. Basically, that every time in the past I tried to talk to him about being too rough with DS8 that I said it with such a biting tone that he blocked it out. And that after I learned of DS's broken arm, that I tore into him with vengeance. Apparently, my actions were unacceptable to him. I haven't handled this situation well, in his opinion.

My H is extremely intelligent, charming, successful, and we're very good friends as well as partners. Despite his taking 100% responsibility NOW for being too rough with DS, it seems to me that he's still deflecting blame by telling me that because I "sent the message" about my feelings regarding his rough treatment of DS without much respect and an angry tone, that it wasn't worth him listening to. What the heck is that?????

And what about this exit plan to another country???? Saturday was DS's birthday, and H, I, my son and my mother were in the car driving to a restaurant, where we were meeting other family members when he just threw this out on the floor. I think it might have been just to get my reaction; i.e. "NO, please don't go! I can't live without you!" which would have fed the narcissism, or "Good luck in that new position!" which would have let him leave guilt free.

Why didn't someone tell me I was marrying a person with "narcissistic tendencies??????" Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 1:40pm
It would be great if we could go into all relationships in the very beginning knowing if they are abusive or narcisitic or not.
5yrssm