Need Advice - Friends are Concerned

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Need Advice - Friends are Concerned
3
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 10:34am
I wrote recently that my ex- who I am separated from and have filed for divorce has not tried to contact me, and some of you responded that I shouldn't worry about that. It's not that I want him to contact me, but here's my concern: We have separated more than once over 12 years, and he has ALWAYS phoned me, came by the house, and tried to get me back. Of course, I returned each time. This time I am not because I had enough of the drama and his abuse. However, my friends feel this is very uncharacteristic of him and wanted me to write again to the discussion board about their concerns. He always called and checked up on me, and was very possessive. They are afraid for me because he owns guns. They really think that he is scheming. I am following all the suggestions given about protecting myself, and I am never alone except on my drive home from work. My question is has anyone experienced this situation? Was there a period of time with no contact and then, the abuser resurfaced? I do think my ex- is capable of violence if he drinks himself into a black-out and is depressed at the same time. I do have plans to leave the city for a couple of weeks before the final date of the divorce next month, and I am looking for work outside of this city.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 3:35pm

Hi Cindy -


Your concern right now is your immediate safety and well-being.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 8:41am
I totally agree.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 12:38am
Thank you cl-sweetdreams893 and blueliner. I am on guard and will take your suggestions. I have my ticket booked to get me out of town for a couple of weeks, and am currently seeking employment out of the state. This has been a difficult month (Thursday marked a month away from him). So many emotions, fears, etc -- but I feel strong and free. I have to keep reminding myself of why I left, and that's hard, but facing the truth is so much more liberating and less painful than I thought it would be. If it weren't for my friends and this discussion forum right now, I'd feel very alone and slightly nuts, but I reminded daily that I am not the one who is crazy, and I have a whole different and joyful life ahead of me.

Thank you for your support!