Need advice re child abuse
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| Sat, 07-22-2006 - 8:26pm |
I can't find a message board dedicated to child abuse. Is there one?
Child protective services was called on behalf of my son and against my male roommate (no relationship with him). My son claims that "he" choked him and threw him on the bed and he couldn't breath, while I (his mom) was in the room. My roommate is insistent that he DID NOT choke my son and that he did nothing wrong. I saw a VERY VERY angry adult (him) going after my 1st grader. He did violently throw my child on the bed and my ds was saying that he couldn't breathe.
My dilemma is this: This will never happen again as my roommate was warned NEVER to touch my child again. I do not have custody currently but was SOOOO close to getting my ds. Now he is not allowed in my house because of this complaint. If I tell the truth I will lose my best friend ("his" girlfriend), my home and possibly any chance of getting my son. If I lie then maybe I will get him back if his daddy can be convinced that ds is lying. I don't want to move. I need my best friend. Is there an abbreviation for best friend? I'm so very confused. I feel that lying is my only choice here. Am I totally off my rocker? Should I tell the authorities what I saw? Like I said before, it will never happen again. I will protect my son and he knows that now. "He" has gotten in my face once recently and jabbed me in the face numerous times so he does have a tendency towards violence.
I'm very scared and confused. There is way more to this story so please don't judge me for even considering lying.
Need replies fast

Hi there,
I normally post on the sister board, but every now and then I pop on over here to check in.
I have to agree with the other posters, if there is more to the story and you want sound advice, we need to know the rest of the story.
I can only reply to what you posted, I am concerned. I can't think of a good reason to choose a roomate and best friend over the well-being of your child. If you continue with the story that your 6 year old son is lying, it will teach him that he can't trust you, he can't trust other adults, that telling a grown-up what is wrong in his little life will get him nowhere. He knows you know what happened. That makes me sad. It is my opinion he needs to know that YOU are the one person he can go to and you will believe him and keep him safe. Even if you somehow know this guy can never hurt your son again, I wonder how scared he would be to be around that guy, knowing that the last time he hurt him, nobody helped him. I can't even imagine how that would feel to a six year old.
I would say that if you get yourself out of that home where violence occurs, it would look better as far as getting some custody of your son. It would show that yes something awful happened and you did take care of it, you protected your child, you moved to an environment that was safe for him to be.
Please be safe and take care of yourself and that little guy of yours.
Hugs,
Liz
Please don't even consider lying to CPS. If it is discovered that you indeed lied to them you will never regain their trust and will not likely get you ds back anytime soon.
I know you said that you will have to move and could lose your best friend. Consider this: many of the posters here have lost that and even more. However, we stood up against those that put us, and for some of us our children, in harm's way. I left my ex because of my kids. Now, my ex had never touched our kids, however, there was a chance that he would, plus he was not a good influence on them. When I packed up my things and my boys (I had 2 at the time, was preggo with #3) I was SCARED! I lost my home, my husband, my best friend, plus all of my other friends who were the girlfriends of his buddies. I was totally alone, just as many others here have been. When I left I still loved my ex with all of my heart. BUT.......there was a potential for my children to be harmed.
I totally agree with Issa on this. You are your son's only defense. You are supposed to protect him no matter what, you are supposed to put his life above your own, and most certainly his needs. I'm not saying that you are a bad parent for questioning what to do. I questioned whether or not to leave my abusive ex for a long time before I could do it. This is a hard thing to do. However, if you stay there your son will be afraid to come and see you, with GOOD reason. Not only that, but, as Issa said, he won't feel he can trust you to protect him no matter what.
And, like another poster said, violent tendancies don't go away. Okay, so you may lose your b/f, or, she may see that her boyfriend is abusive and dangerous and leave him. Or, you will find a NEW b/f, one that supports your decisions when it comes to protecting your child.
Sweetie, I know this is hard. However, this is your son, he is only six years old, he is little. Think of how you would feel if you were him, put yourself in his place. This man hurt your baby. He has come close to hurting you. Let's say that your best friend came to you and was in this very situation, what would you tell her to do???? Sometimes removing yourself from the situation and looking at it as an outsider can give you a better perspective.