Need advice/opinions
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Need advice/opinions
| Mon, 04-26-2004 - 6:13pm |
So H and I have been separated for almost 2 weeks. He is supposedly going to go to an abuser's group. He has had a hard time finding one that will take a self-referral. The one he found is facilitated by the guy who runs a court mandated program. But the one that he can go to is only once a month?? He's supposed to meet with this counselor 1:1 on Wednesday. I found another one he can go to that sounds more intensive. I know I shouldn't be involved with finding him a program. I keep asking myself if it is really going to change my feelings at this point. I don't think so. Then I start questioning, "what if he goes and they tell him he's not an abuser!" This is me second guessing myself, I know. I asked my friend today, "H was abusive, right?". Her response was, "Are you f***ing kidding me?! How can you even question it!"
Has anyone's husband/SO every willingly gone into an abuser's program and if so what was the outcome? In Lundy's book he says most of his self-referrals end up dropping out.
Oh, and then I start focusing on this guy friend of mine who is kind of blowing me off.... My guess is that he has abusive tendencies, passive-agressive. If he was a true friend he would be there for me now. He doesn't know why H and I are separated just that we are. It's an unhealthy friendship, I'm sure, since I am way too concerned with him.
HELP!! AM I NORMAL????

Let's try and go one item at a time:
First - yes, you are completely normal for this point in time.
CL-Blueliner4
Mine was kicked out of the class on the first day because when he told that group that he intended to kill us if I won sole custody, and they thought he was joking, he told them, "Look me in the eye.
So now people (family/friends)are telling me he's sorry and is taking responsibility.... yeah, that's why he feels the need to blame it on me being molested as a kid and overeating to deal with stress. Now EVERYONE knows my personal life...
I have to keep re-reading Lundy's book to remind myself why he is doing these things. So that others don't place all the blame on him.
So in essence he is still trying to find an excuse and blame me, am I right here??
Yup.
CL-Blueliner4
My STBX has gone through many stages - the 'I'm sorry, I'll get help', to the 'it's all your fault, you bit--' stage. He has pulled every stunt in the book.
If I were a betting person, I'd bet if you went back to him it would all just start all over again.
Big, big red flag on the weight/verbal abuse thing. He's making excuses for his behavior.
Hugs,
Jackie