Need Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Need Help
4
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 11:34pm

I've got a totally out of control 8 yr old here. Don't know what to do with her. Her lastest thing is smarting off constantly, being extremely disrespectful, and tonight her behavior was totally unbelievable. We were on our way out and the kids wouldn't get ready. So I started out the front door to the car, and on my way out, oldest PUSHES me and calls me "FREAK!"

I know you all are gonna think I'm a rotten parent, but I need help and ideas here. I've tried everything with this girl. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think alot of it has to do with her dad, she acts just like him. She's been through alot, seen him hit me, call me names, etc, etc. He's been on his best behavior lately, nothing has happened in the last few months. But she's just awful, totally defiant. What do you all think? His influence all these years? Or is it me? Give me ideas here on how I should handle her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
In reply to: jodyannrn
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 11:44pm
Let me know when you figure this out ....My 7 yr old son is the same way ....hateful to me ...NOT all the time .....most times he is the sweetest thing ion the world ...BUt he isalways mean to his sister ,for absolutley no reason ...is SO mad at everything ....WILL NOT mind me ,,,and sometimes (just to get off with me ) he will tell me ,for instance 'im NOt going to school today "and I say "sweetie you have to ....and he tells me that I am SO mean bc I make him go to school ...bed ...etc....gives me SO much trouble ...and tells me (when I am upset with him bc he wont mind ) "well ill just kill myself"(<<<<<

Even though he tells me its not my fault... I cant help but feel it is in some way ,...he did tell me he needed me to do more, and that he wasnt feeling connected to me because of the distance ...But he really didnt give me a c

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: jodyannrn
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 5:12am
I'm hoping for info, too. My three-year-old grandson's father recently came back into his life after a six-month absence, and he takes GS to his house every Saturday. When GS returns from the visit, he is wild, hitting, kicking, and refusing to mind. The biodad was verbally abusive to my daughter, but did not hit her, and GS doesn't tell us that Daddy is hitting him, but he's getting these ideas SOMEWHERE.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
In reply to: jodyannrn
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 10:15am

I've had this problem too, and it's not something you want to try to deal with alone.I reccomend counceling.But not just any old councelor will do, try to find one who specializes in D.V. This is not something that can be corrected overnight, it's going to take patients and persistence but it can be done.And it's so important to your childs future.Hugs and best of luck to you all,

Serenity

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: jodyannrn
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:10pm
I think this has been mentioned here before, but oftentimes what happens is that kids will take the side of/want to imitate the abuser, not because they actually think he's this great person, but because they know he's the unstable one, i.e. the one who needs to be kept happy if they don't want bad things to happen. The thing to do here is, most likely, to get a counselor for her who specializes in abuse/DV. It's not helping your cause that this age group kind of tends to be mouthy anyways IME, but the abuse just makes matters worse. It's not something you should have to tackle alone; look for a good counselor.
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