Need HELP on divorce settlement!
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Need HELP on divorce settlement!
| Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:23am |
& some guidance. My BIL left a message this AM saying "M spoke w/ his atty Mon & they are waiting to see if you come up w/ a settlement."


R~
Rich,
Really looks good to me
Luv, Sherry
My first thought was to say, "Ask for the moon (everything you want currently and THINK you may want later, even if it sounds "silly" or "stupid"); maybe he'll agree and sign just to be DONE. If not, then you always have "things" (the 'silly' or 'stupid' ones) to bargain with and drop if needed.
If you simply ask for "necessary" things, or things that are as "fair" as possible, then you have little or nothing left to bargain with. For example, ask for all the holidays, help with summer camp, dance/music lessons or whatever. If he has a screaming hissy fit over the holiday thing... then you can offer to split the holidays but keep the financial support for the camps, lessons and whatever. Does that make sense? But have the things that you WILL NOT cave on set in stone and make sure your attorney understands that these things (whatever they are) are NOT NEGOTIABLE.
I truly understand the feeling of wanting it to just be DONE, so everyone can move on and heal and get back to some semblance of a normal life. But I would also say to not make it easy on him either. HE was the one who made his mess, HE did the abusing, HE chose not to work steadily, HE chose to abuse/threaten you in front of Avery, and HE is the one suffering from a terminal case of cranial-rectal inversion. Don't sell yourself short on back "hazardous duty pay" or on fair compensation for all your traumatic experiences. He needs to be an adult for once and take responsiblity for his actions or lack therof. Welcome to the real world buddy......this is the Adult's Table and stakes are higher here.
Just my take on things.....
I can tell you what I asked for and what I got.... of course what I got and what the courts ordered is something entirely different too...
Custody - Looks like sole custody, both physical and legal. He really is too vicious and irresponsible to take care of a child. We have arranged for supervised visitation only at this time, and even that he uses minimally.
CS- What I asked and what courst ordered: Courts set a temporary amount of 112 Euro per month until the dicision is finalized on 502 per month. What I got: nothing. He refuses to pay to this day.
Alimony - He did agree to sign the divorce with no alimony statement added. Gee, I guess I win there in that I don't have to pay more money to proove why he is not entitled to alimony. Yeah.(can you tell I am not enthusiastic?)
Medical Insurance - He demanded I cover him. However, we were able to show that my employer refuses to allow him to be on my medical if he is not married or living with me. For my son, I pay medical. If I can't even get a puny 112 a month from him, how can I expect to get medical?
Auto Insurance - I pay my own, I pay for my own car (financed, sorry to say), no help there. Don't know what he has, but I supose he could afford to buy himself a car in cash.
Cars- See above.
Assests - What the courts order: 50/50 in assets and debt in much the manner as you described (ie his half of the debt comes out of his asset portion). What I got: 105/0 assets with me getting less than 0 assets (meaning he took some of my pay earned after the separation). 0/100 debt with me getting 100 of the debt. If he refuses to pay a puny 112 for his own child, it is only expected he would refuse to give back ANYTHING he has taken, court order or not.
Joint debt right now - I owe it all, though it is all joint. Being that it is my house, I don't have a lot of incentive to refuse to pay. No, there is no equity in the house, and the loan is for MORE than the house is worth. A stupid move on my part to allow that to happen but there you have it.
Home: I have to keep the home being that I can't sell it and pay off all of the loan. I would owe money at this point. There is no incentive to sell.
Taxes: I claim my son.
Child expenses: He refuses to pay the puny 112 a month in support, why would he pay anything else?
Moral of this lesson? Take everything you can up front because you may never get the chance to have it again.