Need HELP on divorce settlement!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Need HELP on divorce settlement!
7
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:23am

& some guidance. My BIL left a message this AM saying "M spoke w/ his atty Mon & they are waiting to see if you come up w/ a settlement."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:30am
Forgot Higher Ed for dd, Split 50/50

R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2001
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 1:58pm

Rich,

Really looks good to me

Luv, Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 8:07pm

My first thought was to say, "Ask for the moon (everything you want currently and THINK you may want later, even if it sounds "silly" or "stupid"); maybe he'll agree and sign just to be DONE. If not, then you always have "things" (the 'silly' or 'stupid' ones) to bargain with and drop if needed.

If you simply ask for "necessary" things, or things that are as "fair" as possible, then you have little or nothing left to bargain with. For example, ask for all the holidays, help with summer camp, dance/music lessons or whatever. If he has a screaming hissy fit over the holiday thing... then you can offer to split the holidays but keep the financial support for the camps, lessons and whatever. Does that make sense? But have the things that you WILL NOT cave on set in stone and make sure your attorney understands that these things (whatever they are) are NOT NEGOTIABLE.

I truly understand the feeling of wanting it to just be DONE, so everyone can move on and heal and get back to some semblance of a normal life. But I would also say to not make it easy on him either. HE was the one who made his mess, HE did the abusing, HE chose not to work steadily, HE chose to abuse/threaten you in front of Avery, and HE is the one suffering from a terminal case of cranial-rectal inversion. Don't sell yourself short on back "hazardous duty pay" or on fair compensation for all your traumatic experiences. He needs to be an adult for once and take responsiblity for his actions or lack therof. Welcome to the real world buddy......this is the Adult's Table and stakes are higher here.

Just my take on things.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 9:17pm
The other side of that issue is if you ask for too much then he will have no incentive to settle and the whole thing will just get dragged out and the lawyers will get richer and richer. Some abusers just aren't going to be responsible no matter what. What I heard somewhere is try to get everything up front-in terms of outright asset or money, because getting it later such as in the case of child support isn't necessarily going to happen. There are ways around child support. Some men either work under the table, or they keep switching jobs. It takes anywhere from a few months to up to 6 months for the state to get current with garnishing wages when you start a new job, some men just constantly start new jobs. Then there are stall tactics. They lie about what they earn, then a court date is set for months later at which they must bring paycheck stubs, then they don't show up to that one, then the garnishing process is set in motion, but by the time it happens it's 6 months later, he's already gone on to another job.It just doesn't happen with abusers either, the statistics for all noncustodial parents who aren't current with child support is very high, and the system is overburdened when it comes to collecting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 5:57am
How about a Life Insurance policy with your daughter as benificiary? 50K minimum
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 7:12am
Already have that. 200K policy, that at I always paid the premium anyway - but given his inability to remember to pay bills, & sometiems to not even work & have the $ to pay bills, at the time of the temp divorce orders, the order stated that the policy changed me to owner & i pay the premium. Especially given his health status, Hep C w/ beginning chirrohisis & he still drinks, we may unfortunatly need that policy at some point in the fairly near furture .

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 12:35pm

I can tell you what I asked for and what I got.... of course what I got and what the courts ordered is something entirely different too...

Custody - Looks like sole custody, both physical and legal. He really is too vicious and irresponsible to take care of a child. We have arranged for supervised visitation only at this time, and even that he uses minimally.

CS- What I asked and what courst ordered: Courts set a temporary amount of 112 Euro per month until the dicision is finalized on 502 per month. What I got: nothing. He refuses to pay to this day.

Alimony - He did agree to sign the divorce with no alimony statement added. Gee, I guess I win there in that I don't have to pay more money to proove why he is not entitled to alimony. Yeah.(can you tell I am not enthusiastic?)

Medical Insurance - He demanded I cover him. However, we were able to show that my employer refuses to allow him to be on my medical if he is not married or living with me. For my son, I pay medical. If I can't even get a puny 112 a month from him, how can I expect to get medical?

Auto Insurance - I pay my own, I pay for my own car (financed, sorry to say), no help there. Don't know what he has, but I supose he could afford to buy himself a car in cash.

Cars- See above.

Assests - What the courts order: 50/50 in assets and debt in much the manner as you described (ie his half of the debt comes out of his asset portion). What I got: 105/0 assets with me getting less than 0 assets (meaning he took some of my pay earned after the separation). 0/100 debt with me getting 100 of the debt. If he refuses to pay a puny 112 for his own child, it is only expected he would refuse to give back ANYTHING he has taken, court order or not.

Joint debt right now - I owe it all, though it is all joint. Being that it is my house, I don't have a lot of incentive to refuse to pay. No, there is no equity in the house, and the loan is for MORE than the house is worth. A stupid move on my part to allow that to happen but there you have it.

Home: I have to keep the home being that I can't sell it and pay off all of the loan. I would owe money at this point. There is no incentive to sell.

Taxes: I claim my son.

Child expenses: He refuses to pay the puny 112 a month in support, why would he pay anything else?

Moral of this lesson? Take everything you can up front because you may never get the chance to have it again.