need help finding links..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
need help finding links..
10
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 6:37pm

So I am putting together a documentation..i found some stuff here..but could not find the link..sometime last summer..when he had done something really bad (verbal abuse dd again over plucking a flower), and then in september when he had thrown a book at me, (for interfering)..maybe other incidents..If someone can send me link (through private message, would appreciate)..I could not find it..Taking all that to local atty to see next steps..thanks !

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 7:20pm
Winter, at the top of this post is a box where you can search. It says Find topics, message boards, people, then there's a box next to it with a drop down menu. Put winter2007 in the first box and then click on This Message Board in the drop-down menu and it will pull up all the threads where you've posted. Let me know how this works out for you. Good luck. Glad you're taking steps. Baby steps, hon, they add up.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 8:29pm

tried that..didn't work well .anyway..i compiled from my memory..and made a list and emailed to this atty. meeting him thursday to see how to proceed..and whether those are good enough for a RO or exclsuive occupancy..the only thing is - if that happens, dd may become more angry with me and take his side more..anyway..lets see what he says..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 9:08am

Winter, do what you have to do......it doesn't matter if DD becomes angry with you!

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 11:40pm

My bet is DD is angry with the situation and not you but your the safe one to take it out on. She knows you are not going to blow up the way dad does. She may not even realize this is how she feels. No clue how to handle it but I agree with the others about taking these important steps and I hope you can get him out. Also go for sole custody so even if she wants to side with dad she can't go with him. If you get him out be ready for her to lash out at you but do you best to ignore what she says as far as not taking it personally but do not let her get away with it.

((hugs))


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Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 1:55pm

spoke to this atty. he said we can try to get him out but the reality is, he will probably get access back again and anyway, I can't keep the house maintenance so he will probably likely to move back in. He says the best thing to do is for me to move out, express my concerns that dd needs to be with me primarily..,he may have to go get anger mgmt class and all that. But it is hard to enforce anything on 14 year old. So he says best bet is to move and she will likely follow or at least see him only as needed basis. he wants to get process started next week...now it is a question of whether i move before he is served or after he is..he says i can stick around and if he does escalate, at that point, a RO can be sought immediately..

I knew nothing is going to be easy..I could have gone without getting lawyers involved but knowing what he is, he will just jerk me around and do whatever he wants. guys like him dont respond until they know i have legal on my side..

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 4:39pm
Just a little note here re: anger management. Anger management is not your husband's problem. He can control his anger just fine around any and everybody but you and your dd. That right there says it's not an anger management problem, but an abuse problem. If he couldn't control himself around others, THEN it WOULD be an anger management problem, but since he can, it isn't. It's abuse, plain and simple.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 5:21pm

He does get angry with other folks too..why doesn't he have friends..and he has gotten angry on/off with colleagues and family..except those incidents are rare as he doesn't deal with them 24/7. I have read the book why does he do that..and I agree one anger management class isn't going to change anybody..and even DV intervention programs don't change people. And I also agree it is not anger issues it is abuse issue.

But that is how courts deal with abusive men..put them in anger management class....it is something better than nothing..one thing the lawyer said was (as I had predicted) he will come back with a set of things against me..and then it will be a verbal spat type issue..he said/she said..then they do custody evaluation..But we know how guys like him can manipulate the system..because they appear "genuine"..I feel I am back to square one. Unless I have proof he is physically dangerous, nothing will stop him..from overturning any RO.

At this point, he feels the best bet is to start the motions and leave..but whether to do before or after he is served, is upto me..

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sat, 04-16-2011 - 2:06pm

Nightangel
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Sun, 04-17-2011 - 12:05am

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 04-17-2011 - 1:14pm

You are not pretty pathetic or wishy-washy Winter.

Our self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence also are affected in an abusive relationship.

Walking on egg-shells, trying not to say or do anything to set them off.

Irony is it's not us hon, it's them.

No matter what you do or say they will find fault.

It's when you decide enough is enough you will make the choice.

They seem to know at least mine did I ended it but they still persist.

Best is no contact.

I know you have your dd you are worrying about.

They are very good at sensing us getting stronger, they try to make "Changes" but they are only temporary usually.

You want a Life without "Abuse" for yourself and her Winter.

~hugs~

<3

Nightangel