Need an opinion..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Need an opinion..
6
Sat, 12-11-2010 - 8:11pm

Ok..I need someone to tell me what to make of this.

We had to pick up DD from some school activity..turned out it took almost 2 hrs of waiting. So this delayed our next appt and DD wanted to be dropped home. He flipped and started to yell at her as to her selfishness. I kept quiet through the process but he kept yelling at her for not coming with us and insisted she does. She wasnt feeling that well..so I interjected saying better she be dropped back. But I could see he was mad and continued to yell at her and berate her. He dropped her and started to drive without even checking door was open. I finally said i am not coming either and went on. He came inside..took a bag of clothes and left. Not sure where he went.

While I can understand dd was selfish but when it comes to kids a 2 pm does turn to a 4 pm..as she was in a class..yes..she could have been more understanding that we as parents do wait around..but she wasnt well..and I didnt want to force her to come with us for another appt 2 hrs away. Anyway..I feel it is a issue on both sides..parent has to be flexible and go with the flow..teen will be a teen..yelling and screaming at teenager only makes things worst.

from a 3rd party, I would say - what is big deal and drop the kid off and go on about. Am I too soft..is he right..anyway..he got mad 'cos i think he thinks i took her side..and just wanted to get home.

Any opinions..anyway..he left and not picking up phone...not sure where he is..At the end, it is frustrating to wait for a kid for 2 hrs but that is how it is..and she is not to be blamed..it is not like she went off with a boy friend..it was an activity that got delayed..but now we dont know where he has gone..whether he is coming back..

Not sure what to think..if he is gone, well and good..but he hasnt taken much for anything permanent. any ideas?

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 8:20am

He has abandoned the home?

Mama Harmony

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 6:37pm

No..he did turn up at night..maybe he was donating clothes or something. But now me and DD are subject to silent treatment. I did think about this..and basically as usual he was shouting and yelling at DD for something I did not think she deserved and I refused to go out with him. So as usual he is in that phase where he thinks he needs to punish us both..It is the usual immature/childish behavior. He is his own enemy. My friend still says..why dont you just leave. I wish it was this simple..DD just doesnt want to leave the home..I just can't leave her with this immature/ill tempered/unreasonable man.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 7:51am
Winter, it's going to stay this way as long as you refuse to DO anything except run interference. Your daughter is in charge at your house and by not growing a backbone and MAKING her come with you, YOU are helping to perpetuate the abuse against HER! Think about that for a few minutes, without excuses, or rationalizations. Staying put is damaging you both. Yeah, I sound harsh, and I hope I do, otherwise, this dance is going to just continue, with BOTH of you continuing to be abused. Sometimes, Winter, you have to just step up to the challenge and do something that is the right thing, whether she approves, accepts or not. Cowgirl up, Winter or your kid is going to stay in charge for the rest of your life.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 1:22pm

I want to confirm the timeline here:

DD told you and her dad to pick her up from school at 2 pm.

When 2 pm came, you were there, waiting.

You continued to wait for TWO HOURS!

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 3:16pm

hi geoteo..basically she was supposed to be out at 2....when she didnt come out by 230 we asked couple of parents outside..they said kids are all waiting for the outcome..so every 30 min..it was like 'they shd be out in next 15 min..'and they weren't till 4..

yes..in this case..she did act unreasonable and wanted to be selfish but it was real that she wasnt that well..so I accepted that. yes..i am a softy..but being delayed wasn't her fault and she didnt know we were outside waiting..she thought she would call when ready..anwyay..my point is there is no reason to make her cry for all this..yes..he had reasons to be frustrated but then this comes with the territory of kids..

Perhaps you are right..there is blame both sides..one (kid) only thinks of herself and doesn't appreciate parents..the other..him acting childish when things go out of turn. Me..stuck in middle..

I believe in discipline but in a constructive way..yelling and calling out names and berating about everything..doesnt help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 10:39pm

There's so much I want to say about your situation & half of me is bighting my tounge to keep mum about it.