Need replies fast please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Need replies fast please!
11
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 2:46pm

Refer to my earlier post to read my story, so this makes sense.

I might have the chance to leave my husband saturday, but it's such short notice and I'm concerned. My dad's best friend is visiting his relatives about an hour away. If he is willing to come this way so I can follow him back I can leave. Then I won't have to worry about doing a 10 hour drive alone. I'd have to take my son out of school, well tell them he won't be back monday. Do I need to get his school records or can they mail them? And call my doctor to let her know I'm moving so she can write me a refil for my thyroid medicine. Is there other things I should do before I leave? I have a friend who's mother can get me into one of those income based apartments with next to no money. I can pack what I can fit into my car, I have two air matresses and hoefully my husband will return my things when he moves back this summer. I just can't stand staying here another minute, putting up with his drinking and emotional abuse, and this may be my last chance to leave without him. To prove to him I don't need him and that I can make my own decesions. It's just so short notice and I could always wait till this summer, but that makes me look weak and gives him control, don't ya think? A million thoughts are going through my head. What do you think?

Thaanks for your reply!

-Lissa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 1:20am

Well, I have my map in hand, my stuff packed and he's asleep on the couch. I'm having doubts. It just feels surreal I guess. I hope my son adjusts okay. Right now he's excited and thinks were just visiting grandpa, but when I tell him he's going to a new school, I wonder if he'll be okay. Maybe I worry to much.

I get the sense my H doesn't want me to leave, but he's too proud or whatever to say anything (maybe I'm wrong). Obviously I told him (don't freak) and he said fine go, and kicked a hole in the door (our son was watching tv in the living room and we were in the bedroom with the door shut). Then he went out for a bit and when he came back he was calm and is being supportive. Says he won't cut me off from the bank account (I told him he could trust me and he should after 10 years together, plus I told him I wasn't planning on going on any shopping sprees or looking to screw him over so to speak, I'm not like that. He's just going to help me until I get a job and we get a divorce.) and will bring my stuff up once he's sold the house, etc. Then we'll file for divorce, possibly together if we can agree on thinks. I'm worried about him being alone with our son because he drinks so I was thinking about requesting supervised visits until he gets help. What do you think? I have plenty of time to think about it all. He said he'd also go to the school monday to tell them, etc. He wasn't drinking when all this took place. Of course he did drink starting at 9pm and that's why he's on the couch now. Deep down I know he's not a bad guy and loves our son, but he's got problems he needs to deal with. Maybe he'll face them once we're gone. Who knows!

Everyone's probably shocked I told him and how's he's being supportive. I was kind of disapointed because he didn't say anything to change my mind, which just proves he really doesn't love me. That's one of his reasons for wanting a divorce, that he doesn't love me anymore. He said your a grown woman capable of making your own decisions. Maybe he thinks I'll change my mind at the last minute. I asked him to take off work tomorrow so we can have lunch together before I leave and so he can say goodbye to our son, but I think he still plans to go to work. Oh well! What can I say? He's a rational guy, but when it comes to his verbal abuse he denies he has a problem and he admits the drinking problems and just refuses to stop. Of course he says once I'm gone he'll have no problem stopping, which we all know is a line of bull! I know it seems strange that he's helping me and he's not a bad person. I doubt there are very many men who'd be supportive. Maybe he's doing it because our son and or guilt. Who knows, but it's better to do things rationally, it makes the process much better.

Tomorrow's the day and I hope I make it. I feel hesitant to go, but I know I need to go. I'm sure I'll be happy once I get there and it won't be so bad living with my younger sister in her trailer. Plus if my friends mom can help me get into one of those income based apartments I could be on my own in less than a month. I won't have any furniture for 3 months or so (unless H sell the house sooner than expected), but it'll be an experience, maybe even fun!

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