need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
need some advice
5
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 8:53am
Hi, I am very nervous about court on Thursday. I do not want to see him. I am just sort of starting to feel a little bit better and I know when I see him I am going to start feelinglike crap again. He is probably going to bring his new girlfriend and I bet he is going to be mean an nasty again trying to find away to hurt me. I have not talked to him or called him and that is a big acomplishment for me because every other time we have broken up I always ended up calling him wanting him back. It sort of bothers me though that he has moved on and does not care about his son right know at all. I donot want to fall back into the cycle and I know if I see him all of these feelings are going to resurface. Why do I care so much about someone who has hurt me financially and pyshically all these years. I know he is going to be a cocky jerk to me on Thursday. I had taken care of him for 7 years. I provided a roof over his head, a car to drive, a cell phone, and what every else he wanted because I wanted to make him happy. I finally came to grips that he can never be satisified or happy he is just a miserable person. I noticed this morning how peaceful the house is no yelling or fighting. My son can finally have a place were he can feel safe without having the tension in the air. I still care and love him though even after all that he has done to me but I have to stay strong if not for my self but for my child. I do not want my precious son to turnout like his father always anger at the world.

The ex had a blowout with one of his good friend a while back. Yelling and screaming at him. Most of his friends do not really talk to him anymore. I found out the other day he went there to apologize to him for the way he has acted in the past. Why has he not apologized to me or my son? We were there for him a lot longer then anyone else that has ever been in his life. I guess we were not worth it. I have so many mixed emotions right know that I am tring to sort out.

I was debating on getting a lawyer for Thurs. and wheter to have this restraining order permenant. Right know he is so involved with this other women living in her parents house, driving her car and using her cell phone. Because he has moved on do you think he will try to come back or try to bother me again? I am just so confused and need some advise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
In reply to: crk21
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 10:44am
Take a lawyer Thursday. I had to get a restraining order against my ex last month. It was very hard to do that because I love him very much. But, he hurt me, destroyed my house, kicked my cat and stole money from me for drugs. I did the same thing...paid the rent, all the bills, fed him, clothed him, etc. And he has the nerve to say I was unfair. The nice thing about the lawyer was that I never had to talk to Sean that day at court. The lawyer did all the talking and stood between us so that I hardly even was able to look at him or him at me. It helped a lot. The legal garbage wasn't that hard since I didn't have to prove anything because Sean didn't contest it, but just having someone there to take care of things was a huge weight off of my shoulders. Get a lawyer, you won't regret it.

I know it will be hard, but it is for the best. I have gone back to Sean too many times. I've talked to him twice since the RO, once I did go see him which was stupid but it did help with closure and once he called and was calling me names and saying I harassed him which I didn't do. I was confused, but I called the police and so far I've heard nothing, but he also hasn't called again and my number will be changed by the beginning of next week. I don't have any desire for contact and each time I have talked to him, it has made me realize more why I don't want him around. He was nasty that one time. The other time he was sweet as could be, but both times he stayed focused only on his needs and not on how I was hurt by all of this, so...keep that in mind when those feelings pop up. Best of luck to you.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
In reply to: crk21
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 11:00am
So you do think I should get the permenant restraining order? I thought that since he has not called me or even tried in a week that he would leave me alone. I figured that since he has moved in with another women and she is taken care of him he will stay away. Do you think he will or do you think he will bother me again? What do I do about my son too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: crk21
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 11:32am
Never underestimate these abusers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
In reply to: crk21
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 1:43pm
Yes, I think you should get the order. He is probably being good now so that you won't get it and he'll feel like he can go ahead and make your life miserable again after Thursday without any consequenses. Follow through on this. About your son. I don't know if he has been abused or not. In a restraining order you can request that your h not have contact with your son either. I don't know if that will be granted in your case or not. It depends on the circumstances and how bad the abuse has been. Again, get a lawyer or advocate and talk to him/her. They'll be able to give the best legal advice. Best of luck to you. Let us know what happens.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: crk21
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 2:18pm

I would take a lawyer and I would get the RO permanent.

CL-Blueliner4