need some comforting here

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
need some comforting here
4
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 10:43pm

I was browsing the internet and happened upon his favorite links, being that they were located in a folder called ‘AHL's name’. I found another subfolder called ‘Poland’. As I may have mentioned, he has reportedly been in Poland much of the time. Browsing through these links, I found 3. One for the Warsaw Today online. The other two were translation links. They lead directly to the last translation he made. One was translation for ‘pretty woman’ and the other was translation for ‘goodnight pretty woman’. I can tell you what I make of that. For a bit of history, I would mention that he had traveled to Poland with his work in 2004 for 1 week. Also, he was desperately trying to learn Polish after that. He was also taking money from our account to the amount of nearly 100,000 dollars over 2 years time (sounds like someone considering leaving?). There was a possibility to coordinate another training course for work this year, lasting one week. Other than that, there was never any real connection with Poland work wise. He was not ever slotted to go to Poland again after that so no real connection with it.

My first impression is that he has been cheating on me for some time. He hasn't used those sappy lines on me since dating and why would he say them to me in Polish anyway? It isn't jealousy that I am feeling (good Lord, why would I care about him leaving me?) but rather hurt at being used, lied to, and made a fool of. 100k would certainly make an AHL look momentarily rich to naive Polish girl and give misleading dreams of being set for life. It would explain why the multiple purchases at the jewelry shop here between 2002 and 2004. It would also explain he strange obsession with Poland. I guess seeing this possible evidence makes me tense up a bit. Please tell me that what comes around goes around because I would hope that these types don't always get away without consequence for their actions. I really hate him so much for how he has used me so long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2001
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 9:15am

True believer in what goes around, comes around. One of my dearest friends was married 48 years, ex has cheated on here from the beginning. Now lives with her, one of her. so called best girlfriends all these years. We really don't know how long this has gone on between the two. I have know my friend for about 15 years. My ex and her ex are best friends. They deserve each other, throw in my ex- 46 stepson (the other woman, LOL) and there you are. Two's company, three' s a crowd and four that's a new one I just realized. That's why I got out, icing on the cake, stepson trying to move in with us, two blocks away was too close. Ca was not big enough for me, let alone where I lived, and getting better in Az, one day at a time, mostly because of the wonderful support here and sister board, New Beginnings. I am alive and getting better, I feel, because I have HERE to come. Thanks everyone and you be safe and keep coming here and you will get the help need to start enjoying your life that you deserve. Believe me I look forward to new beginnings instead of looking at what I just told you how I use to live. They haven't a clue and each day I am realizing how miserable I really was. And the sad part is my GF still is living with it and it breaks my heart that she will probably face living like this the rest of her life. Don't you waste one more day on him, be safe and take care of yourself.

Luv, Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 3:22pm
Well, I am thankful you are already so DONE w/ him - that this info isnt hurting as much as it may have months ago.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 10:21pm
I am definitely counting my blessings. It could have been so much worse for sure. But still this whole thing doesn't feel too good. I certainly wouldn't have volunteer for this (divorce, the pain, the anxiety etc.) if I hadn't been between a 'rock and a hard place'. I was enjoying with my mother the bit of sick humor in all of this. AHL has covered pretty much every possible angle in our relationship. Cheating, stealing, lying, alcohol, drugs, physically hurting, mentally hurting, threatening me, threatening my son, threatening others, threatening suicide.... It seems like most people I have personally spoke to (other than here) can mention the cheating, or they mention the stealing, or they mention the threatening. Maybe they will have gone through several at once. But AHL seems to take the cake. He does all of this AND he has demanded spousal support, pension, more than 50% of the assets (in fact 100%), no child support payments if he doesn't get sole custody.... Usually that is something that the victim has to fight for in order to build their life back up again after being treated like dirt. Well, I guess he plays all roles in a one man (for want of better catagory) show. He plays the abuser, the cheater, the liar, the thief, the alcoholic, the drugie, the victim, the father, the mother, the child, all rolled into one. To him I am just the unappreciating audience that walked out half way through a bomb of a show.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 10:34pm

"for want of better catagory" .... i had to laugh!


Sheesh, & i thought MINE was bad. Mine never cheated .... that i KNOW of ... or that HE remembers in a drunken stupor - but mine DOES win the "Alcoholic, lying, loser, unemployed but wants a BOAT, abuser award" too!


GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!

R~

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