need to talk....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
need to talk....
2
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 11:47am

Hi Everyone.. Well I hope you are all doing ok.. I am losing it here.. I got a letter from him yesterday and it is the same old stuff.. I love yous.. I miss yous.. he is mad at hisself for doing this again.. he is mad cause he is in jail and looking at some time this time.. and i went to see him last nite at visitation and of course I cried the whole time.. I miss him so much I feel like a big part of me is missing without him... yet I am scared for him to come home but I cant imagine him anywhere else but with me!! this is crazy!! why do i feel this way?? Why cant it be just like a switch to turn off all feelings?? why cant I stay angry at him??? what is wrong with me?? you see other women who can stay mad and walk away and never look back and I cant seem to do that.. my daughter says it is like an addiction.. he is addicted to his alcohol and i am addicted to him she says.. and she is only 15!!!

she dont understand why I would even consider talking to him.. she has seen it all.. been there almost every time it has happened and oh this is just crazy.. i have anxiety attacks where i feel like i cant breath and get sick... i just need help and i dont know where to turn or what to do... there are no dv places here in our county.. i have to go over to another county.. we live way out in the country.. i did go to a support group monday night and it seem to help but as soon as i get home it is all over with again!

any suggestions?? i am losing it here.. seriously.. if he gets out i know i will let him back and that scares me in a way... but then if he is not with me i will worry about where he is, who is he with, all that crap.. his family says they arent going to bail him out this time but they said that last time and did it.. $500 gone.. this time it is a felony and i dont know what his bond will be but it will be pretty high i am guessing..

well i better get going.. ill be back on this evening if any of you have any advice i would greatly appreciate it.. i am going crazy...thanks in advance

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 12:18pm

The best thing you can do is to have absolutely NO CONTACT with him from now on. Toss his letters in the garbage unopened. That's the only way to keep him from messing with your mind!

Keep going to the support group. Change takes a long time and a lot of practice, so keep on going and getting that reinforcement & validation, and please keep on coming here and posting whenever you feel the need!

You're going through the worst of the withdrawl right now. It IS like a drug, and that's why you need to treat it like a drug. Reading his letters is like an alcoholic drinking a beer.

It gets easier! Hang in there through these hard times. Of course you can't just switch off your feelings, but you can slowly but surely change the way you think and how you handle things. Again, this takes time & practice, but you can do it!

Be good to yourself. You deserve it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 10:34pm

I am going to be the broken record this time.