New, and confused!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
New, and confused!
5
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 2:28pm

My heart is racing as I'm sitting here typing, one thought being what if my husband found out? How do you know if you are being abused, economically or emotionally? I know my situation isn't right, it isn't working. We have no joint accts, I have no access to acct info, marital documents, kids SS cards or birth certificates. Outside of my child support and PT day care money I earn, I have to ask for money for kids clothes, my clothes. He wont give me money for food, he'll go to the store. I do not waste money, I've never given him a reason to not trust me with money. I'm a stay at home Mom, I think about leaving the kids to work, to be more independent. That still wouldn't make it fair. Why does he get to buy a 4 wheeler, while 3 of my kids need school clothes?

Any input would be appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 2:43pm

Welcome aboard cschristiaa :o)

Okay first of all you must delete all history and cookies from your computer. If he goes on the computer a lot, who knows what he would find. Just be careful.

Here is a wonderufl website that I think you should check out. This website has loads and loads of information on abuse. Checklists snd stories.. it's great.
http://cl-wishful78.tripod.com/RDAHomePage.cfm

Does he yell at you?.. belittle you? twist stories around? I don't know very much about financial abuse.. but it sure seems that you have some huge warnings signs. He won't let you touch any money, you have to ask for money, he buys whatever you he likes. He is all about power and control. Will he let you have a job or no? He wants to control you and make you feel like he is your dad (in my opinion) You are not a slave and you should be able to do whatever you like.

You can also call the Domestic Abuse hotline number at 1.800.799.SAFE

Keep us posted on how your doing.

Lauren


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 2:51pm
He won't yell since I've started seeing a counselor. Beliitle, yes, using sarcasm. Thank you for the link, will check it out for sure. Thanks for your response, just knowing I'm getting some support feels great.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 2:59pm

Sounds to me that he used to yell, but quit because you are now seeing a counsellor. He is only changing his ways to make people see him as a nice guy. He is trying to change his ways to not be the bad guy that you are saying he is. This is a warning sign.

Lauren

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 3:19pm

OMG! Whenever we are out with other people, he is so sweet! I know he's not yelling partly beacuse I'm getting help myself. I changed counselors, so I had a couple of weeks in between appts, I think he thought I quit. Than there was this night he blew up, yelled, punched our wall and dresser. Of course the next day I heard about how it was my fault. When I explained that I would never accept responsibility for his actions, it all stopped, he knows I don't buy it. Now, he's started crying.

I've agreed to counseling with him, my counselor said it would give me an idea of what he'd be willing to change. In my heart, I see divorce as the only answer. I've been broken, I've felt like I completely lost myself in all this. It's nice to start to find me again. I cancelled my last lawyers appt. He didn't give me the financial papers he agreed to fill out. I feel weak, cause up to then, although frazzled, I looked forward to some freedom. I know what I need, I finally have the guts to say it, but he's not responding, don't know if a counselor can help that. I don't know if I wan't that help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 4:12pm

Ok... whatever you do, DO NOT go to counselling with him. If you want counselling the best is to go alone and go to someone who specalizes in Domestic Abuse. If you go with him you cannot fully open up to the counsellor. You might hold back feelings because you are afraid of what he will do or so.. or even when you get home he might rage at you for saying something that embarassed him. Please don't go to counselling with him. There is so many warning signs of abuse. Him yelling, hitting the dresser, punched the wall, didn't take the blame, started crying... OMG - typical abuser! Sorry to sound harsh... but its just the truth.

Lauren

Photobucket