New and need support. PLEASE
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New and need support. PLEASE
| Mon, 05-03-2004 - 2:23pm |
Hi everyone, I am new here and I am looking for support! I have been lurking for a while and decided today is the day I need to vent my story and talk to someone who will understand where the heck I am coming from. I am sorry if this is long.
First off I am a 23 almost 24 year old divorced mom of 2 wonderful children. I am (I think) engaged to a man I thought was the most awsome man I have ever met! Boy was I wrong! It all started off great, as all relationships do. Well I truely thought I found true love. Well I am in love to the fullest. DF and I have been together for almost 2 years, and we well I am pregnant 4months. I am so excited and scared. He avoids the fact that I am pregnant. He constantly is calling me names, cussing me and the kids (not the kids so much), thretens to leave me kick me out of his house, this that and the other. The new one of the day is I wine to much. It started first thing this morning, when I said well you have the day off so I was thinking of calling in taking a personal day. It is rainey and nasty I have nothing to wear that fits me. He made fun of me calling me a F***ing whiney baby, and things to that nature. So fine I will get up and go to work. Well I am waiting to get into the bathroom to get ready, and what is he in there doing? Something I am sure all guys do but not when they have a girlfriend and SEX all the time. Of course he denied it but hello I saw you! I hate Porn and think that you don't need it when you have a SO who is Active! So it just exclated from there. He said that all I do is whine and complain and if I don't like the way he is than leave because he is not changing. I can never talk to him like a normal conversation between 2 people should be when it comes to our relationship. He always thinks I am cheating. HELLO I work full time, take care of 2 kids, and run all his errands while he is out doing whatever he wants. But when I want to go my family house uh huh for what why, who is neeting you there blah..blah.. But if I question him about anything he sais it is none of my business and I need to shut up and he is getting sick of my mouth. He sais the reason why he is not as happy about the baby is because he don't know if it is his. I live and breath this man and my kids. Not once have I or would I cheat on him. In the begginging I had mixed feelings didn't know if I wanted someone in my live so I was distant I talked to an exbf on the phone a few times, and to DF now that was cheating. Um last I checked just talking over the phone to a friend is NOT chating. Nothing is ever good enough for him, I do everything around the house, I do all the shopping, all his errands plus my and my childrens! And e always puts me down. My face is breaking out something terriable, I can't help it some people get ugly skin when they are pregnant. He always sais I am fat or fat a$$, never tells me how nice I look, nothing. I am not a big girl by any means, and I have gained a little weight but I have something that is his growing inside of me! He would not even let me take out $40 to get my hair cut but it was okay for him to take $140 to have as spending money. I am so unhappy with myself, and I have become a mean person, to my kids I try and not to let him make me that way but for some reason I can't help it. I am scared to be alone! Now I will be alone with 3 kids! I just need to have cofidence in myself which I don't have and don't know how the heck to get to that point. He has broken me down so much and has me thinking everything is my fault! I just needed to get that off my chest. Thank you all for listening. Any support is appreciated! Thanks again.
mom21980@hotmail.com
First off I am a 23 almost 24 year old divorced mom of 2 wonderful children. I am (I think) engaged to a man I thought was the most awsome man I have ever met! Boy was I wrong! It all started off great, as all relationships do. Well I truely thought I found true love. Well I am in love to the fullest. DF and I have been together for almost 2 years, and we well I am pregnant 4months. I am so excited and scared. He avoids the fact that I am pregnant. He constantly is calling me names, cussing me and the kids (not the kids so much), thretens to leave me kick me out of his house, this that and the other. The new one of the day is I wine to much. It started first thing this morning, when I said well you have the day off so I was thinking of calling in taking a personal day. It is rainey and nasty I have nothing to wear that fits me. He made fun of me calling me a F***ing whiney baby, and things to that nature. So fine I will get up and go to work. Well I am waiting to get into the bathroom to get ready, and what is he in there doing? Something I am sure all guys do but not when they have a girlfriend and SEX all the time. Of course he denied it but hello I saw you! I hate Porn and think that you don't need it when you have a SO who is Active! So it just exclated from there. He said that all I do is whine and complain and if I don't like the way he is than leave because he is not changing. I can never talk to him like a normal conversation between 2 people should be when it comes to our relationship. He always thinks I am cheating. HELLO I work full time, take care of 2 kids, and run all his errands while he is out doing whatever he wants. But when I want to go my family house uh huh for what why, who is neeting you there blah..blah.. But if I question him about anything he sais it is none of my business and I need to shut up and he is getting sick of my mouth. He sais the reason why he is not as happy about the baby is because he don't know if it is his. I live and breath this man and my kids. Not once have I or would I cheat on him. In the begginging I had mixed feelings didn't know if I wanted someone in my live so I was distant I talked to an exbf on the phone a few times, and to DF now that was cheating. Um last I checked just talking over the phone to a friend is NOT chating. Nothing is ever good enough for him, I do everything around the house, I do all the shopping, all his errands plus my and my childrens! And e always puts me down. My face is breaking out something terriable, I can't help it some people get ugly skin when they are pregnant. He always sais I am fat or fat a$$, never tells me how nice I look, nothing. I am not a big girl by any means, and I have gained a little weight but I have something that is his growing inside of me! He would not even let me take out $40 to get my hair cut but it was okay for him to take $140 to have as spending money. I am so unhappy with myself, and I have become a mean person, to my kids I try and not to let him make me that way but for some reason I can't help it. I am scared to be alone! Now I will be alone with 3 kids! I just need to have cofidence in myself which I don't have and don't know how the heck to get to that point. He has broken me down so much and has me thinking everything is my fault! I just needed to get that off my chest. Thank you all for listening. Any support is appreciated! Thanks again.
mom21980@hotmail.com

Of-course you're scared, afraid, lack confidence...he has been slowly robbing you of these things day by day...vampirishly sucking what was "you" away. This will only continue to get worse until, ultimately, you lose your identity and cannot even determine who you truly are anymore. Your anger is a byproduct of the abuse. Your children are learning SO much about what they see in your home...and will, oneday soon, emulate the same. I couldn't bear the thought of this for my children and, ultimately, my parental obligation to provide them a nurturing and healthy environment to grow up in became my primary motive for leaving my abuser.
You are stronger than you even know right now. I was just as scared as you, unemployed and with two very young children when I decided to leave. I was sure that he was right about what would happen --I would be homeless, possibly lose my children and fail in my life without him. HA! What a load of crap...he couldn't have been more wrong. In fact, I own a house in a nicer neighborhood and on nearly 1/3 of an acre while he parks his precious BMW in a carport every night at his condominium (that Mommy and Daddy bought for him). No, I survived. It is HE that is floundering -- unemployed, depressed, alone and miserable.
It does take time and a lot of hard work to get to "the other side" -- I have never done anything as difficult in my whole life (this includes 24 hours of labor! :^) but, honey, it is worth every single tear and then a hundred more to get there.
~~MANY gentle hugs and MUCH support your way
Thanks