New and need support/advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
New and need support/advice
3
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 11:04pm
I am new here, but looking for advice. I have been abused both mentally and physically for the last 13 years. After calling the cops the other night and him leaving for a few days to 'cool off', I got a lawyer and got a protective order. They removed him from the house on Monday. Naturally, he has been calling me non-stop, not really trying to talk me out of the divorce, just talking about the money and split of property and telling me he is not mad, that I'm his best friend. He has been really nice, like the honeymoon phase, and now I am feeling guilty. I know what I did was right, but did I have the right to remove him from his own home? Did I have the right to turn his life upside down? I feel like such a jerk!
I talked to my lawyer today and she hooked me up with a shelter for counseling. She said I really need to talk to someone that has been in my shoes, because it's perfectly normal to be confused like this. I feel like I am in a nightmare and I am going to wake up and everything is going to be okay. I cannot believe this is my life. I wanted the perfect life and now I have nothing! Although at the moment I am safe.
I am at war with myself in my mind. One minute I am thinking I did the right thing and now he will not hurt me anymore. But the next minute, I think maybe the abuse wasn't so bad and maybe I did something to cause him to do it.
I've got an appointment with the counselor next Wed. - but how do I stay strong until then? I just don't know if I have the strength to do this - it's much harder to leave than to stay. But, I made the steps and I got this far, I need to go thru with it. I got away safely and I know that's something that I couldn't achieve ever again. I tried to leave before and he wouldn't let me. God worked it so I could get out this time. I just need advice on how to stay strong and not give in. Thanks in advance for any help you can give me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 12:37am

Hi hon, welcome -


I know this is extremely hard, but there is something that's right in front of you and I understand you might feel it's a bit mean, but you need to do it:


You state you have a protective order.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 7:52am

Welcome to the board Mom...


You didn't turn his life upside down hun, he did it to himself.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 9:26pm

I agree with the others, mom.

I am also a Christian woman, although sometimes, I really struggle with being one. ;)

Remember something... HE did this to HIMSELF! You didn't. His behavior is what caused this. NOT YOU!
Abusers are VERY good at making US feel at fault. That's how they keep us around for so long.

BE STRONG! Keep yourself busy.

And above all, lean upon God. Because He'll get you through all of this. He was there for me, when I finally got rid of my EX. I've been abuse free now for 7 years. :) :)