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| Sat, 10-08-2005 - 6:48am |
With a question for ya..........
What Is verbal abuse? How do you identify it?
| Sat, 10-08-2005 - 6:48am |
With a question for ya..........
What Is verbal abuse? How do you identify it?
If you and your children are afraid of your husband, then you're probably being abused. We're not supposed to fear our husbands. We're supposed to be able to trust them and talk openly with them.
Here's some info about verbal abuse that I got from a couple of web sites.
"This form of abuse includes humiliating, threatening, insulting, or intimidating one’s partner. It also is characterized by withdrawal of approval or affection. The abuser may try to control what his partner wears or who she spends time with. He may even isolate her from family and friends. This constant belittling can cut to the core of a person’s being. The Journal of Family Violence reported in 1990 that 72 percent of abuse victims felt that emotional abuse was harder to endure than physical abuse."
1. He seems irritated or angry with you several times a week. When you ask why he's mad, he either denies it or tells you it's in some way your fault.
2. When you feel hurt and try to talk with him, the issues never get resolved. He might refuse to discuss your upset feelings by saying "You're just trying to start an argument!" or claiming he has no idea what you're talking about.
3. You frequently feel frustrated because you can't get him to understand your intentions.
4. You're upset—not so much about concrete issues like how much time to spend together, but about communication: what he thinks you said and what you heard him say.
5. You sometimes think, "What's wrong with me? I shouldn't feel so bad."
6. He seems to take the opposite view from you on almost everything, and his opinion isn't stated as "I think," but as if you're wrong and he's right.
7. You can't recall saying "Cut it out!" or "Stop it!"
Hi, it's me again. I just wanted to add that verbal abuse makes you doubt yourself big time. It leaves you feeling that your perception of reality is all screwed up, but it's not. You need to trust what you see and hear, and the next time he starts in on you or the kids, try telling him to "Stop it!" You don't have to listen to his abuse.
Two books that I highly recommend are The Verbally Abusive Relationship and Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out both by Patricia Evans. There's also a lot more info here at the board's web site. http://cl-wishful78.tripod.com/RDAHomePage.cfm
Welcome to the board stir...
The best way I can answer your question is by looking on the board website.
Welcome, stir.
Mine supposedly doesnt (or didnt, b/c I am divorcing him now) see it either. He SWEARS he didnt treat me like I claim. I went so far as, a few years ago, to try to tape him so later he COULD hear how he is ... he refused to listen to the tape. A Sociopathic person is someone who CANNOT or REFUSES to see or admit what they do that hurts others. I beleive that many abusers are sociopathic. Either way, whether or not HE beleives or see it, doesnt matter. B/c even if he did ... the likelihood of his changing is almost nill.
If you & your chlidren are living in this environment, i encourage you to contact a DV crisis center, for the very least, counseling. & please read thru the posts on this board to recognize what you are dealing with.
Take care, R~
Thank you all!
I have done some more research on this topic and have found some interesting sights. Unfortunately they only sealed what I already knew, but didn't want to admit to. He is abusive, verbally. He used to be physically abusive 20 years ago, but he stopped that after I asked him to leave. We were separated for almost 6 months and he truly did change at that time. over the past 6 years he has changed, become more angry, more cruel. He lays a hand on me, but then again, I never test on that either. I just shut up, and move on. I tell the kids, don't respond to him when he yells, it only makes him worse, just agree and move on...
What kind of mother am I?????? I kept thinking I was protecting them by saying this, so they wouldn't get his Wrath, but now I see I've only hurt them too. I feel so helpless in all this. I am a SAHM, I Haven't worked in 18 years! How will I ever be able to take care of them? I have 6 kids! I want to confront him, but I'm so scared! What do I do?
When you come to the end of yourself, there's always God. Why we don't go there first, I'll never know! =~S
When you come to the end of yourself, there's always God. Why we don't go there first, I'll never know! =~S
Your message was if I wrote it myself (minus the 6 kids - i have one). I too find myself telling my son to not answer back during my husband's rages so the rages will end. I no longer stand up for myself either. Emotionally he has beaten me down to the point where I don't think I could reach the sidewalk without a ladder.
I am a SAHM - I haven't worked in 13 years, do not have a college degree (I put him through school) and the thought of having to do everything on my own scares the daylights out of me.
My husband will be served with divorce papers either today or tomorrow -- I told him last night so he wouldn't be completely off guard when they show up at work. He was angry, but I told him that he would have been even more angry had I put the restraining order on it as the atty had suggested.
I didn't realize for a long time that all the ugly stuff he said to me was verbal abuse, emotional abuse, etc.
We've all got to stick together and help each other!