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| Tue, 05-24-2005 - 1:55pm |
It's hard for me to post. I have been in several abusive relationships....physical and emotional. I have been married to my husband for almost 4 years. I should have been smart enough to know that it would turn out this way. All of the warning signs were there, it's not like I haven't been in this situation before. He started out ok of course, but before we even got married, he was accusing me of wanting to sleep with some teenage friend of my son, I was 35 at the time.....get real. He has been making comments the past couple of years about if he knew then what he knows now, he would have run like H. I have children from previous marriage, we have a 2 year old together. He has said that if it weren't for her, he would not stay married to me. He gave me a check when I was 3 months pregnant and told me to go file for divorce......That was the first time that I really remember him just being hateful towards me. He will be like that for a few days and then he will be fine for several months. The problem is that the hateful times are getting closer and closer together and lasting longer and longer. I can't do anything right, even though I take care of everything to do with the family. He only pays the house payment and mows the grass. I do EVERYTHING else. He is not only hateful to me, but to the kids too, and it kills me. We try to stay away from him. I have cried so much that I just can't cry anymore. I have almost reached the breaking point. I just don't want to start over.....again......not yet. Thanks to anyone that reads this, I just needed to vent. I didn't really think I was being abused again, because at least he doesn't hit me. I was really scared that he would night before last though. The rest of the time it's "poor, poor me....why don't you love me", and constantly complaining about how pitiful his life is. I just needed to vent.

Oh honey, you just pull up a chair and sit yourself down and keep on venting.
CL-Blueliner4
His hateful episodes will get closer and closer (like contractions) until it will seem unbearable and you feel like you can't even get a clean breath between bouts of his anger. Before it gets to that, please try to contact a domestic shelter counselour like cl-blueliner said and arrange some visits.
We have all been through what you are going thru now and sometimes the realization that you ARE being abused is the hardest part. Get help for yourself, please. You will have the strengh to leave him, it will come when you realize that what he is doing is nothing more than degrading you and it is his agenda and has nothing to do with you. But you will need to find out what makes you attracted to men like that.
Lots of luck.
Hi: Your story is similar to mine, especially the last part. Mine is
always complaining about my not loving him and how he does everything in
this marriage and complaining about everything I do and don’t do, and he
calls me names and is hateful and demeaning and so threatening. So I know
how you feel. My husband has unfortunately gotten worse over the years and
his Dr Jekyll / Mr Hyde personality has gotten to be more Mr. Hyde and less
Dr. Jekyll.
IMO, women with personalities like me, low on self esteem and easily made to
feel guilty are the ones batterers prey on. It seems to be the same story:
They are sizing us up from the moment they meet us to see if we would make a
suitable partner. I’m not at all sure that they are even conscious of it, but
I know it’s a necessity for them. They can’t do enough nice things for you,
romance, beautiful words, gifts, etc.. and here we are congratulating ourselves
on what a great guy we found.
They really concentrate on finding out what makes us happy and make sure they
provide it AND they are also busy learning our weaknesses so that they can
start with their accusations and badgering and getting to our guilt. Its not
your fault, none of it. We are just victims