new here - long post, sorry

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
new here - long post, sorry
2
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 4:14am
ok, i know all the signs have been there for a long time that my relationship just wasnt working. my dh and i have been together for 20 years now and have 3 children, ages 5, 4, and 2. we fight terribly and the tension does not seem to be ending. recently, my mother-in-law made a commment to me about the language i should use in front of my children and she was right, i said some things i should have, but she never makes these commments to her own children and seems to feel like it is okay to do with me. on this day, however, i came back out of my bedroom and calmly said.. i find it interesting that you make a comment like that to me when you dont say a word to any of your kids, even though they deserve it.... thats it, no more, no less. she then walked towards me in the hallway, pointed to my bedroom as in, talk now, with a horribly nasty look on her face and i didnt turn the way she pointed and she reached out and grabbed me by the hair and proceeded to try and drag me there. this is all being done in front of my children, the ones she loves so dearly and is all she has left in this world(verbatim comment). i was so shocked, we sort of just went with the way she was pulling and i tried to get my hair out of her hands, we fell into my bedroom door, which opened, and then landed on a plastic three drawer-pull out thing and crushed that and once i was free, i ran down to get my husband and tell him that his mother attacked me and he comes in now, we are all yelling and then he tells me that it is probably the least of what i should get and if i dont like it, get the f**k out. this is out of MY own house that is, but to add further insult to injury, my mother-in-law then blatantly blurts out a complete and total lie and tells him, that yeah, while you were gone (dh out of town for a few days), she tried to push me away from the kids too and wouldnt let me come see them. my mother-in-law was sick that entire week, i called her EVERYDAY to check and see how she was feeling and can you believe this? i feel so ridiculous typing this that i almost cant stand it. she attacks me in front of my children, in my own house, my husband tells me to get out and not a word to her. so i basically am stuck in a house with an abusive mother-in-law and hostile husband. i have no friends and family here whatsoever, our main friend and family has consisted of his family, so i really have no one to turn to at all and what makes this worse, is that i am a stay at home mom, so i have no income. i know this is lengthy and im sorry to rant...i'll cut it short, but this isnt even the worst part of the story... my husband after continually telling me to take my kids and get the hell out, this would be the next day, i finally decide to do that, i packed up some stuff for me and the kids and left and went and stayed at a hotel for the evening. supposedly HE was leaving as well, but this would be "whenever i feel like it and it's none of your f**king business anyway!", so the next morning i got us all showered and my eldest ready for school and decided to drive by our house to see if the coast was clear and get the kids some breakfast, because this is really starting to cost alot of money, room, dinner, etc. i make breakfast, get the kids fed, it is still an ugly scene here and am left wondering where to go after i drop off my son at school. money is an issue and i just am feeling a bit, dazed and confused and sore from the battle with the in-law, so i decide to go back home, screw it... he's supposed to leave anyway and dammit, why should myself and the kids be inconvenienced, while he and his mommy sit in my house? well, he wasnt home when we got there, but a couple of hours later he did get home and ding ding... it was ugly. i mean, i was pushed and hit and slapped and kicked, the most part of this was done with the kids there, which my mother in law, grabs the two kids, my daughter is reaching out for me and i for her, when the m-i-law, swoops my daughters hand away from mine, is holding my other baby, and im crying, yelling out for her , she turns and takes my kids into my room. it was like...i dont know even know, but all i can tell you is that i knew at that moment, i was in trouble. he just turned to me and began wailing, slapping, bam, into my ear, (still cant hear perfectly yet), fat lip, i dont know what he did to my leg but i have the purplist bruise the size of a large grapefruit on my inner thigh , a few other pops to my head and as he is standing over me is telling me that he will kill me.... i just remember asking him.. why... what did i do to deserve this? why?... no answer... i ran outside and was looking for some sort of help, i dont know.. you get pretty desperate at that point and i stopped and turned back towards my house and he had gathered up some clothes and was getting into the car and leaving. i thought about calling the police, which would be the only way i figured to get him to stop, but then again, everyone has said that you dont want to do that because child family services then gets involved and then the whole thing turns really ugly.....whew! i just feel so lost, shell shocked, stuck, confused. any advice or something, anyone? anyone?... thank you all for listening and letting me air some of this. i dont think i have explained it well, but i think you the picture......p.s. am i crazy for thinking my husband should have asked mommy to leave or is it just me?...and does anyone deserve this....really...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 8:12am

Welcome to the board and huge hugs! YOU DO NOT deserve any of this. You are being abused by two people here. Please go to the resource pages and read,read,read.

You also need to make a safety plan and document what is happening.

My heart goes out to you.

Terry

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 10:44am

Welcome, kitte.