new phobias

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
new phobias
4
Sun, 09-04-2005 - 11:46pm

I have noticed that I have developed new and strange phobias most likely as a result of the things I have gone through. I wondered if this is a normal part of the healing. Whenever I encounter these things, my muscles tense, my breathing becomes quick and shallow, and I start to have a panic attack. Some things are less intense than others though. But I tend to try to avoid these things. I am listing here some of the things that cause this. Some things may sound a bit funny, but I assure you that they cause me great anxiety:

Guns
The restaurant at work (bad things happened there)
Several restaurants in the city
Security guards
Barbiques
Heavy metal music and anything that is 'dark'
Yelling and loud sounds
All things military (PAHL was national guard and obsessed with the killing side of soldiering)
Poland
The State of Florida
Traveling to the US

The last one has given me some nasty problems recently. I was considering traveling to the US sometime this year and have money set aside for that. But I was horribly torn apart trying to think of where I would go, when to go, and was trying to think of every reason why I can't go. It was so bad I was getting sick at my stomach for several weeks over it. I really didn't want to go and I couldn't explain why. Without giving a long attempt at an explanation, I can only say that in some weird way I have drawn a connection between US and PAHL and am reacting to it. He is there, his family is there, I guess I don't want to be so close. I have since decided to not go which gave me a great sense of relief. I didn't mean to have these things turn into weird phobias, but there they are. I would hope that I could get rid of them one day.

Even the zoo was a phobia for a time, but I have mostly worked that out. I guess the phobias of places are caused by very bad memories. There are even some things I have avoided buying at the grocery store because they were things PAHL liked so much.

So I was just wondering if others had problems with certain things like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: hglucky
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 2:20am

I dont know how "normal" it all is, there is a wide range of normal for everyone, & everyone deals with their past & heals in their own way.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
In reply to: hglucky
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 9:22am
Seems to me like pretty classic symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. If you are avoiding things/places because you fear a panic attack, then that's definatly it. You may want to check out the PTSD board here on Ivillage.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
In reply to: hglucky
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 1:19pm

I think I will consider the PTSS possibility because I feel really off kiel so often. Fortunately I do not have to go to Poland and I don't mind not eating out anymore. However, my brother was a bit confused about my reluctance to come visit. I would liken it to trying to give a cat a bath. I just.....can't. And when I WAS considering visting, I was trying to avoid, at all cost, any transfers in Florida. But then I am content not going at all now. I made a whole lot of associations between various things and PAHL and I suppose it does get in the way a bit.

And every now and then (even now) I get really jumpy, as if I am expecting someone to jump out and surprise me at any moment. It accompanies trembling and chills. Meanwhile I am feeling a bit down because of knowing that I have way too much excess baggage at the moment to even think of meeting someone new. I wouldn't call it depression though. I posted once in the past with the same symptoms and PTSS was suggested. Perhaps it is time to take it seriously.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
In reply to: hglucky
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 1:36pm
Since I used to work in a mental health facility, and from what you have described, some of what you are going through sounds like PTSD.
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