new..hurting...help!
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| Wed, 04-21-2004 - 12:03pm |
But why the hell did I have to take MYSELF and two children to the doctor's when I was so damn sick?! Why do I ALWAYS have to have one of the children with me...or hear hell if I go alone?! Why does he not want me to go to the gym and lose the weight that's killing me?!
SO...talking about it last night with my best friend I found out that he thought I was faking it. FAKING CARDIAC AND RESPIRATORY FAILURE!!! Becuase I have three slipped discs in my back, and chronic migraines and I fake the pain from that too!!
I have plans for the kids and I to go home next month. After that I just don't know what will happens. He expects me to join him at his next duty station, still very far from home, and "give it a year" and if it's still hell for me he says I can go home. I don't know if I can come back, basically prostitute myself for a year or two in order to get some sort of marketable skill (I've stayed home for years) and some bills paid off so I'm not bankrupt as well if we leave, and the baby out of diapers....
But I'm living in hell, a ghost of myself (the angel is my deceased twin sister) and trying to hang in there...right now though I'm at the library, can't post from home because he checks up on my computer usage...but I'm headed to the psych again whom I saw the morning after discovering cyber-affair and who is encouraging me to stand up for myself.
I just hurt so damn much right now that I can hardly stand it.

My story sounds a lot like yours except my STBX was never in the military. You've been there ten years; I promise you things will not get any better. He is an abuser. He didn't care enough about you to take you to the doc. I have been accused of 'faking' illnesses or I've not been helped out when I needed it, or he just totally showed no feellings for my well-being whatsoever. Then on the flip side, there have been times when he was totally there. I'm sure that's because he needed something of me. These guys do not have a heart and do not care of they could never treat someone they're supposed to 'love and cherish' this way. The longer you stay the more he will beat away at your self-esteem.
Do what's best for you and your kids and good luck.
Hugs,
Jackie
Hi Ghost, and welcome -
I agree with JT, Wishful and your stepmom.
CL-Blueliner4