Nice cycle again.....I hate it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
Nice cycle again.....I hate it!!
6
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 1:11pm

yeah well, I guess he decided to be "nice" again. Instead of the jerk he is!! He is being very soft spoken with me, he's telling me he loves me all the time. Keeping up with the house more and even paying attention to me being pregnant. The whole thing is kinda making me sick. I mean come on, it's freakin crazy how a person can be so mean one day and then be totally different the next. Somtimes I feel more at a loss when he's in his "nice cycle" then when he is just pissy or being a jerk. Why is that?? Have I gotten used to it so much that it's wierd any other way?? It's probably the fact that I can see that it's FAKE!!!!!! I guess I've been so used to feeling pissed and hurt all the time, that when I dont' feel that way with him, it's just wierd. He's even gone as far as staying home with me friday night all night. But then went out saturday night till 6am. I know what he was doing Friday night. He just did that so that I wouldn't b&*^ at him for saturday night. I guess he does it also so that I can't argue the issue about him coming home late, cuase he stayed with me friday and so he felt like he "deserved" the night off. Whenever I am around him and he's beign that way, I just brush it off as whatever!!!

Hahah let you tell you somthig funny tho....guess he can't hang on to the nice thing for too long, cause this morning the car wouldn't start and I had to get to work. Being preg he exspected me to help him push the car to get it to start. I tried about 4 times but I just couldn't get it to go fast enough. (DOESN"T HELP WHEN YOU HAVE A FEAKIN BASKETBALL IN YOUR STOMACH!!!!!!!) He got so angery at me he started saying how stupid and fat that I was REALLY loud. I guess these two guys heard him yelling at me from the store (we live next to a corner store)that they seen that I was about to push the car again, they came out and actually told him "how can you let your preg wife push the car like that man?" While they were shaking their head at him in discust!!! It took everything I had not to laugh at him!!!!! My H just stood there with a stupid look on his face.....It was PRICELESS!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 6:12pm

I was talking to my aunt the other day and I told her that when he's nice it makes me uncomfortable. That it makes me confused and I feel off balance.

She said this is what 'they' do and how they keep us conforming, that they know when they've gone too far and they begin 'damage' control.

I am like you, I feel confused when he's nice. Its so fake to me. My H is in nice mode and I hate it. He doens't understand why I don't want him to touch me even though he's nice. I still cringe when he touches me and the other day he was like "I don't understand you. You are confused"

My aunt told me that if I went on some form of anti-depressent, it might help me make the move to get away from him. I know you can't do that, since your pregnant, but I'm thinking of trying it.

My H quit his job and I"m not sleeping because of the bills. Its horrible.

Good luck to you elm. If you lived by me, I'd come pick you up and bring you home with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 12:16pm

All the feelings that you have described is EXACTLY what I'm feeling right now. Uncomfortable and off balance. I probably walk around with a confused look on my face wondering what the heck he is doing.

My H responds that way too when he sees my reaction when he tries to cuddle with me, or do somthing sweet. He'll ask me what my problem is and say that I'm acting really wierd. Well, gee, I wonder why?? It's wierd cause I guess I knew how to act and what to do when he would be moody and stuff. But when he is like this...I'm at a loss. I just want it to be over.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going thru the same thing as me with the whole job thing. I am not sleeping well either. Both because of being preg and stressing over the bills. Are you working?? I am working but it's part-time and I dont' make near enough to pay for everything. So we'll see what happends.

That was so sweet what you said about taking me with you to your house!!! Those words brought a smile to my face. Thanks! Good luck to you too flowergirl! Please keep in touch.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 12:49pm

I just don't want you to feel alone. Being pregnant is enough to deal with, let alone everything else you are going through. You need support, which is what you are only getting from this board and that makes me so angry.

Yes, I am working full time. My H is not working at all. I am bitter, angry and tired of supporting our family by myself. Yesterday was my birthday and he did it well, but that's the first time in forever (last four years) I even got a "happy birthday" a gift or anything. And he expects me to be all smiles and lovey dovey. He kept saying "I did it right, right? Why aren't you happy?" Well maybe because to me it all feels fake.

I am tired of feeling sorry for him and I"m tired of not feeling sorry for myself, just angry all the time. I truly believe he won't ever hit me again, but for me, that doesn't matter, the last time he hit me was enough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 1:45pm

Yeah this board is my only way to vent or just to feel like someone out there is at the very least listening. I have gotten support from this board which feels good. I do wish I had someone close to me here tho. I just don't understand why does it have to be "strangers" that help me and give me support?? I mean like i said the support is great from here, but it's not like ya'll can come get me out or anything. That's what sucks. And the ppl that say they love you or are there for you are never around when you REALLY need them. That's hurts!

I completely understand you...I am also angry, bitter, worn out. I am also tired of supporting the family. I am tired of having the burden of making it and trying to figure everything out. I have NEVER been able to just sit back and relax being confident in my H's ability to take care of things. Ergg.....I hate that feeling. If it weren't for my son, I would just leave everything go and just give up by now. My son has been the only reason why I have been stressing and trying my hardest to make things work. Why can't he have that same thought too. I mean atleast if you don't care about yourself...do it for your son who can't survive on his own without his parents. You know what I mean?

I too am tired of feeling sorry for him. Just the other day I was watching him mow the lawn and for that small moment I felt sorry for him. Cause one day he WILL loose everyone and everything dear to him....and then where would he be? I am tired of that!! What about the feel sorrys for me??? Doesn't he feel any of that?? I don't mean to throw a pity party for me....but.....how can someone who loves you not feel sorry for you. Here I am 8 months preg., have a 21 month old boy, I work, cook, clean, take care of the bills, do stuff for the car if it needs it, JUST EVERYTHING!!!!! But I have no time for that stuff. It's like I living to survive right now. And nothing else has my attention but that. I feel like I can't even take care of myself right especially being preg. My poor son probably wonders why i can't play with him all the time like I used to before being preg. I hate that feeling that I'm not giving him EVERYTHING!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 1:48pm
Just to let you know, the last paragraph you wrote hit home with me 100%. Its what I'm feeling and thinking .. only you worded it so much better than I could. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 1:51pm

I used to call it "good guy mode".

It never lasted.