NO COMMUNICATION

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
NO COMMUNICATION
4
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 4:23pm
I recently posted about my new husband (of less than one month) who got mad at me, started screaming, calling me names and telling me to "shut up". Well, things have gotten much worse. He is not speaking to me now. he came to me and asked me what we were going to do about the situation. And I said that part of me doesn't know if this marriage will work because of the horrible things he says to me so often. This has been going on and on. If you only knew all the horrible names he has called. I thought (STUPIDLY) he would change after marriage. He hasn't and I am so hurt by the horroble things he has said and done. He accuses me of "stealing" his medication- which is CRAP!!!!! He calls me all kinds of names.... He accuses me of cheating o him-ALL THE TIME- which is CRAP. I can't even got the gym alone without him making nasty comments a couple days later. I can't go out with my girlfriends because that means that they are trying to set me up with other men. he constantly says that he's been giving me more chances..... I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG EXCEPT PUT UP WITH HIS ABUSE. He tells me that I'm a horrible mother right in front of my daughter (not by him). He is now ignoring me. Trying to teach me a lesson. EVERYTIME this happens, I have to go to him and beg him to forgive me for something that I didn't do. he constantly makes me feel like I have to review my comments in my head before I speak so as not to offend him. All I want is a loving husband who would never call me a wh*r* or a b*itch or a m*th*rf***er. Is that too much to ask for. Are there men out there like that??????????/ He tells me that none of his old girlfriends would treat HIM like this. What have I done? I have never treated him badly. The only tihng I have done is when I started to stick up for myself and not take his crap. I also starting confiding in my ONE FEMALE friend. He now calls her a sl*t and thinks that she just wants to set me up with someone. I FEEL LIKE I AM IN A PRISON AND HE WON'T COMMUNICATE WITH ME TO FIX THIS. I go to my own counseling tomorrow. HOW COULD A MAN WHO SUPPOSEDLY LOVES ME TREAT ME LIKE THIS. Maybe I do deserve this.... His only response is "How are we splitting up the checking account. When I say in half, he gets mad says that he deserves more./
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
In reply to: star1998
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 6:07pm
No you dont deserve this kind of treatment and I have to wonder if you are married to my ex abuser because what you described fits him to the very tee.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
In reply to: star1998
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 8:44pm
Is your husband my husband? He does the same thing when it comes to communicating, he will do it "when he wants to and how he wants to". He will get mad if I speak my mind, then ignore me for a week, silent treatment, and turn around and decide that everything is fine and wonder why I'm so "somber". I would have to agree with some of the others on this board though when they say it is not a communication problem, he doesn't want to communicate, he wants to control the situation. I have only been married a little over a year myself, and like you, it was close to instantly after the wedding that he reverted to his jerk of a self I had seen bits and pieces of beforehand. I think we go into things believing that people are good and loving, and that once they "see" how hurtful they are they will stop. But, sadly, they don't stop, they go on and in my case, I have let him and now it is even harder to put my foot down. I too have a child, not his, and I know that adds another difficult twist to things. I am working on worrying about me and my child, not him, and I hope you can start to do the same! Good luck to you, there are some good ones out there, I can't tell you where, but, there are;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
In reply to: star1998
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 8:10am

You do NOT deserve this.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2005
In reply to: star1998
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 11:23am
IMO, I think it is wonderful that you are getting counseling. Sometimes that is what you have to do to help yourself and see results. I am rooting for you that everything falls into place