No strength left in me..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
No strength left in me..
4
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 7:28pm

I am losing mental strength in everything. No there is no going back..but I feel I can't deal with what it takes to go through a divorce. Asking for CS, SS, money from house. How I wish I had enough so I could say 'screw you'..but reality is otherwise. Any ideas on how to get mental strength back so I can fight this..Now, dont get hyper but I am having thoughts of just taking off or disappearing as I can't cope with this...obviously I wont do anything as my daughter is too precious to me. But how to cope in meantime..and get the strength..

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 9:45pm
Contact your therapist, Winter. You can cope, you MUST cope, your life and that of your dd are at stake. What are you doing to take care of YOU? What in your life can you identify as a POSITIVE thing right now? I can think of one thing: You aren't being subjected to daily abuse from your husband. Getting out of an abusive relationship and rebuilding your life is hard work, you grieve, you get depressed, you hurt, but it's worth it in the end. Please, do something kind for YOURSELF. You DO deserve it and it is your right. If you aren't kind to yourself, how can you expect anyone else to be? You must meet your own needs, otherwise you can't meet those of your dd. How about taking a couple or three days away from the computer? Find a good book to read - tell me what genre you like and I"ll bet I can give you some recommendations you would enjoy. (I live to read, lol) Spend some time in reflection and meditation with a positive viewpoint. Sometimes we get in the habit of only viewing the negative and we forget that there is a lot of good going on as well. Have you ever read Sarah Ban Breathnach's book "Simple Abundance"? It's a wonderful book with daily readings on finding and appreciating the small pleasures in life. I keep a copy on my desk at work and every morning I read from it before I start the day. Any employees who wish to join me are welcome and we find that it starts our day off in a positive way, and it opens up new conversations that help us to grow together as a team. The shelter I manage is very small and there are only 5 of us on the day staff, but it really starts our day off right and helps us bond as a team who has each other's backs. I'm sure you could pick up a copy at a used book store for next to nothing. Check it out - it will give you a great dose of positive thoughts. Hang in there, hon, there is a light at the end of your tunnel. It's the light of freedom, peace and happiness. Dwelling on the negatives will keep you in a negative state of mind, thus negating all the hard work you have done to get to where you are right now. I also think you might need a good physical check-up to rule out any health problems that could be causing your depression. I know you weren't having much luck with the anti-depressant the dr. put you on, but have you consulted with him (her) to see if there is another one that might be more effective for you? As far as dealing with all the divorce stuff, hon, that's what you have your attorney for. Let them deal with the details and the negotiations. If nothing else, get out and go for a 30 minute walk every day. You will be amazed at how positively it affects you. It gets those endorphins pumping and can really help with the depression. My best to you. And about my last post to you - I know it was harsh, but it was also the truth, and sometimes that kind of post works with you. I don't post things like that to you lightly. I really have to soul search and pray about it before I do. I go out on that limb because I care about you and I hate to see you hurting. I don't blame you - you've been so conditioned for so long, but I have seen you take action after I post like that to you sometime. So I gladly take the risk that you will be upset with me. I sound a little rambling here, but I know you get my drift. Hugs, Winter, hang in there and keep the faith. It WILL get better.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 8:24am

Winter;

NO NO NO.. You are not giving up because you have come soooooooooooooo far.. Its time to regroup, recheck and let all of that negative emotion and pain wash over you. Yes; let it all keep washing over you and saying to yourself.. This is just for today. Tomorrow will be better.

Remember that Movie with Tom Hanks..Cast Away.. He was on that Island for four years and he always wanted to give up and die.. Well? He always said in the next breath.. I know that the sun will rise and shine the next day..That is what he waited for. The hope and strength that he would just get through one day at a time. The sun did rise again and he found that strength he needed to get off that island.

This is happening to you now but it wont last.. You have good years ahead and you cant let that bully of a husband get to you.You need that money and that child support and all you are entitled to. Its is your money also because you worked so hard for it. Dont give up on that now.. You will need it down the road to live.

You need to fight the good fight and dont let him win.. You can do it. You are woman and strong enough to do it.Like Cajon said you survived his abuse and that was the hard part.. So you can now heal and get strong and powerful and use that newfound hope and strength and knowledge to fight for what you believe in.. Your mind and body are strong and they can withstand it all. It happened to me and I am still standing ....

Watch those kick ass movies.. Enough, With Jennifer Lopez, Kill Bill Volume 1 and 2... Thelma and Louise..

Attend a woman's support group and gain validation and power and strength from the women there.

You need to get power back and be empowered again so that your mental state can withstand all of the crap going on in your life.

Remember that God loves you and dd and he will pick

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 10:29am
You need to realize... a divorce can be a very long, draining process. It can drive you completely crazy. But, the best part of it is that you can now live on your own schedule. Ok - you need to do x, y and z for the divorce, well - guess what - you can do it tomorrow or next week. Refocus on yourself and get into a new routine that is all about YOU. Turn off your phone, turn off your computer, read a book that is just for fun, get together with some friends for a night out, go get a massage, go shopping, hell! even get out of town for a couple days. You are now the only person in charge of you and you can decide when and in what way you want to deal with the things on your plate. While you may feel a definite sense of urgency, realize that no matter what you do - it's going to take a while. Make the divorce and legal matters background noise to your new life. Make sure not to drown in all the chaos, but deal with it in measured doses.
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 11:57am
Thank you all ! some great ideas on coping..I like the one where I need to do something good to myself..I have been living my life based on making others happy..first him, then DD..but I need to do something for myself everyday...however small. I will try to get into a support group for women..i am seeing my therapist every week..she did say to me..remember this time is temporary..and this feeling will pass..