Is this normal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
Is this normal?
2
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 9:54pm

I'm so sorry to dump on everyone again, having a minor/major meltdown. Is it normal to start crying at any time during the day whenever you realize you are actually leaving and need to follow through with it? I feel like I am literally dying inside..... feel like a wimp, a stronger person would get through this and not look back. Even when I try to remember all the bad things, I still end up feeling sorry for "him" because he is so dam* screwed up. I feel like I am abandoning a young child on the street, I know I'm not, but, can't get that feeling out of my head. Besides that, I literally MISS him tonight, not the bad things, all the good, and I know I can't do that, he's not the same person he was. Well, maybe he is, but, he's not pretending to be nice anymore, except for this morning again. The whole on off thing again.

Yesterday he IM me at work, wrote that he hated me over and over again. Today, he signs on and just says "hi", like nothing has happened. I really feel like I am starting to go crazy..... I have so many people that will support me, so why is it still so hard to walk away? Especially from someone who can be so mean to me, I almost start believing that I am the one that is crazy like he always says.

I made my appointment with an attorney today. I keep making the steps, the further I get, the more scared I get and the more I have to try to convince myself I am doing the right thing. I just wish I could stop crying all the time, it's really gonna screw things up for me at work, also makes my job a lot more dangerous when I go out in the field in client's homes and don't have all my senses about me. Is this how everyone feels, or felt when they left? I am already on flippin' antidepressants, will feel like an idiot calling my dr. and saying, you know, I'm still home, so, I'm still depressed, are any amount of these drugs going to help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: howdidi
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 3:40am

Yes. That is exactly how I felt. You hit the nail on the head! It gets better. Believe me. Even when you think you are dying and the world is falling out from under you....

It's ok to miss him even though he did bad things. Don't feel bad about that.

Just know that it gets better!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
In reply to: howdidi
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 2:22pm

What your doing is the right thing for you and your future. You'll be better off, trust me. In time your heart will heel and your memory will fade and the feelings will go away. It takes time, but it's for the better and that's what you need to keep thinking about. I suggest getting all the support you need to go in the right direction instead of turning the opposite direction where you'll end up in a cycle.

good luck!