Not really sure if this counts

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
Not really sure if this counts
2
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 1:49pm

Oops! I accidentally put this in the wrong place. Just moving to where it belongs!

I just posted a message on one of the other boards but then I came here and think maybe I need to be here. Basically I'm thinking about leaving my boyfriend, but I'm trying to be positive and not "air out" our dirty laundry or whatever way you want to say it. After reading about how abusive men have acted in circumstances others have been through is making me realy think.
I feel as if my boyfriend/fiancee loves me and I think I love him, but there is also the controlling behavior mentioned by other posters. It was really bad when we first got together, but being my first "real" relationship, I didn't realize what was going on until it was too late.
The only time he becomes violent (the extent of which was to hit me-nothing worst than that) is if we are fighting and he thinks I have finally reached the point where nothing he says matters to me anymore. I have also noticed he will threaten to kill himself when he thinks I am through with him. I think he does it to try and control me. I have tried to leave him in the past and the only way I can get away from him is if I physically leave and go somewhere he can't find me. But then he always finds a way to run into me in a public place and not wanting to start a scene, I'll talk to him and he finds a way to get me to come back. Forget getting him to leave our apt/house. I've tried that over and over and he'll never leave.
I guess right now what I'm worried about is I can't leave where I am now. I am buying a trailer and even if by some miracle I was able to get him out of where I am, he'll know where I'm living and keep harassing me. We have a 5 year old daughter together and I have 2 older children from before I met him. Why can't he just respect me enough to leave when I ask him to? It kills me. I'm the only one that ever worked since we've been together, is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry, I kind of blurted that last part. I just have so much pent up frustation and anger. Like I said, I'm not sure if what I'm going through really compares to what the rest of the woman on this post have experienced, I just happen to notice some parallels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 6:43pm

Welcome, Lily.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 11:50am

I just found this site but when I saw your message I wanted to reply.

I have been feeling the same way about how my husband abused me; did he really abuse me? He only hit,grabbed or pushed me 3 times /restrained me several times. He emotionally abused me too. But it wasn't as bad as a lot of others situations so maybe it was okay. Everyday I have doubts and I beat myself up over it (crazy huh?) I think this is typical of woman who have been abused. We don't want to believe that the man we loved would treat us this way. Sometime I ask myself how would I feel if a stranger did the things he did to me; I wouldn't allow it then, I wouldn't have doubts then. I don't know where I am trying to go with this but I just wanted you to know I feel the same way.

Take care.