Not really sure if this counts
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Not really sure if this counts
| Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:09pm |
I just posted a message on one of the other boards but then I came here and think maybe I need to be here. Basically I'm thinking about leaving my boyfriend, but I'm trying to be positive and not "air out" our dirty laundry or whatever way you want to say it. After reading about how abusive men have acted in circumstances others have been through is making me realy think.
I feel as if my boyfriend/fiancee loves me and I think I love him, but there is also the controlling behavior mentioned by other posters. It was really bad when we first got together, but being my first "real" relationship, I didn't realize what was going on until it was too late.
The only time he becomes violent (the extent of which was to hit me-nothing worst than that) is if we are fighting and he thinks I have finally reached the point where nothing he says matters to me anymore. I have also noticed he will threaten to kill himself when he thinks I am through with him. I think he does it to try and control me. I have tried to leave him in the past and the only way I can get away from him is if I physically leave and go somewhere he can't find me. But then he always finds a way to run into me in a public place and not wanting to start a scene, I'll talk to him and he finds a way to get me to come back. Forget getting him to leave our apt/house. I've tried that over and over and he'll never leave.
I guess right now what I'm worried about is I can't leave where I am now. I am buying a trailer and even if by some miracle I was able to get him out of where I am, he'll know where I'm living and keep harassing me. We have a 5 year old daughter together and I have 2 older children from before I met him. Why can't he just respect me enough to leave when I ask him to? It kills me. I'm the only one that ever worked since we've been together, is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry, I kind of blurted that last part. I just have so much pent up frustation and anger. Like I said, I'm not sure if what I'm going through really compares to what the rest of the woman on this post have experienced, I just happen to notice some parallels.
I feel as if my boyfriend/fiancee loves me and I think I love him, but there is also the controlling behavior mentioned by other posters. It was really bad when we first got together, but being my first "real" relationship, I didn't realize what was going on until it was too late.
The only time he becomes violent (the extent of which was to hit me-nothing worst than that) is if we are fighting and he thinks I have finally reached the point where nothing he says matters to me anymore. I have also noticed he will threaten to kill himself when he thinks I am through with him. I think he does it to try and control me. I have tried to leave him in the past and the only way I can get away from him is if I physically leave and go somewhere he can't find me. But then he always finds a way to run into me in a public place and not wanting to start a scene, I'll talk to him and he finds a way to get me to come back. Forget getting him to leave our apt/house. I've tried that over and over and he'll never leave.
I guess right now what I'm worried about is I can't leave where I am now. I am buying a trailer and even if by some miracle I was able to get him out of where I am, he'll know where I'm living and keep harassing me. We have a 5 year old daughter together and I have 2 older children from before I met him. Why can't he just respect me enough to leave when I ask him to? It kills me. I'm the only one that ever worked since we've been together, is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry, I kind of blurted that last part. I just have so much pent up frustation and anger. Like I said, I'm not sure if what I'm going through really compares to what the rest of the woman on this post have experienced, I just happen to notice some parallels.

Hitting always counts. There is NO acceptable reason to hit, EVER.
The threatening to kill himself is a classic control tactic- quite a few abusers have tried that. If he will not leave, and you want him gone, then it may be that you need to leave him. Get a restraining order if you feel that he will keep harassing you. Keep reading and posting- you are in the right place.