Not Sure Anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2011
Not Sure Anymore
5
Sat, 09-17-2011 - 10:04am

Ok here it gose:

I have been married for 8 years.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sat, 09-17-2011 - 10:06pm

I was really concerned when I read your post.

Red flags for me...

Read below...

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Caring-Support/Domestic-Violence/m-p/107197422

Do you have someone you can talk to that you trust?

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 09-18-2011 - 1:08am

YOur husband has problems.

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-18-2011 - 10:35am
Some of the things your ex did so did mine. Mine drive truck and one night when I wouldn't answer the phone the message he left was if I didn't turn my phone back on, I turned it off because he wouldn't stop calling, he would start turning things off like the electric. I laughed at him since it was a Friday night and he wouldn't be home for awhile.

I left him when he tried to rape me in front of our son, choked me in front of our son, and then threatened to hurt our son if he called 911. And still I bet nothing is his fault. Abuses rarely change. They can't change because they are not strong enough to take that first step and admit they have a problem. Some think we are weak for not leaving right away but I don't agree. We have been brain washed and knocked down so much that we second guess everything. But I feel we are strong to have survived what they have put us though. If we were weak we would never question what they do or try to fix it. Sadly we can't fix it so I do think you should leave him as soon as possible. But be careful when you do because the most dangerous time can be when you leave. Let your family know the truth and contact your local dv shelter for help and advice for leaving.

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Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-18-2011 - 10:36am
Ps you two may love each other but it is not a healthy love and sometimes love is not enough and you have to walk away

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 09-18-2011 - 11:26am

I agree with the other posters and what you are experiencing is abuse.

I have actually given a name to those so called car incidents when in a car with an abuser. It seems its so typical of abusers when riding in cars with them.

My ex pulled that often.. I would be sitting in the car with him as a passenger and he was driving.. Well? It must have been one of his off days and he would start trouble with me and say something stupid.. If I answered I wasnt right and if I didnt answer he would go beserko and start driving like a maniac and try and make us crash.. All the while I would be crying and begging him to stop. He would then pull over on the side of the road and tell me to get out.. Then the crying and begging and pleading would start..

When I was going through our divorce he would tell me that I would wind up in the streets and be homeless and never go on another vacation.. and if I did it would be in a ghetto or by a NJ aiport where there are gangs and all. I was so brainwashed that I believed him..

None of that ever happened but you see how abusers can brainwash us and make us think these things? Its called conditioning and if you get out