Not sure if it's abuse?
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Not sure if it's abuse?
| Wed, 06-23-2004 - 1:43pm |
I would appreciate any tips from other abused women out there who come from abused relationships. Or men, I realize that it can be reversed sometimes. Anyway, I've been married to my husband for 11 years. He has never been physically abusive, but sometimes he is so mean with the things he says and does. He talks bad about me to his parents, telling them I'm spending all our money and secretely giving it out to my family. He says all his ex girlfriends were manipulative little bitches and lumps me in the same category. I tell him that I'm different, I'm his wife, I love him, I would never harm him, intentionately. He says he believes me but then keeps up the same behaviour.
All of my check from work is electronically deposited into the bank, but his is cashed and goes in his wallet. He deposits some, but keeps alot and hands me out tiny increments when he thinks I need it. He'll drill me, what's it for, why, what happened to the 20 bucks I gave you last week? Sometimes he doesn't deposit his check at all and by Sunday night, he's got only 40 bucks left. And I know he's bringing home about $400 a week! Stuff like that. I'm just tired of it.
All of my check from work is electronically deposited into the bank, but his is cashed and goes in his wallet. He deposits some, but keeps alot and hands me out tiny increments when he thinks I need it. He'll drill me, what's it for, why, what happened to the 20 bucks I gave you last week? Sometimes he doesn't deposit his check at all and by Sunday night, he's got only 40 bucks left. And I know he's bringing home about $400 a week! Stuff like that. I'm just tired of it.
My family and my pastor think I should take a stand and be bold and tell him things have to change or I'm out of there! I agree. I'm just trying to find the strength. We have had such a strong loving bond in the past that its hard for to just jump up and do that.
Just wondering what some strangers' thoughts were. Thanks!

Hrm...breeding season for nerfherders appears to be a little late this year.
CL-Blueliner4
I appreciate your concern about my pastoral counseling. And you are right, I have had pastoral counseling that was telling me to stick it out and pray for him. But, thankfully, we have a new pastor now who came right and told me that I wouldn't be wrong if I left because he wasn't honoring his vows in our marriage and I would have his and his wife's complete support. He said that I could choose to stay, but that if I did I would need to know that nothing would ever change. I'm greatful for this new pastor.
I know about my husband's slander of me behind my back to his parents because my best friend is married to my husband's brother of all people! Her husband is the same way, but they've only been married for a few years so she's not seeing things that I see yet.
I do have a plan of action I just haven't gotten up the nerve to follow through with it. I love the jerk! I can't help it!
If he at all speaks to you in a manner that puts you down that is verbal abuse. You should not have to support him either, which sounds like what you are doing. Why should your check go in the bank and he gets to keep his. MAKE him pay half of everything. Or, better yet, find a man that treats you with the dignity you deserve.
catlover66