Not Sure What to Do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2003
Not Sure What to Do!
4
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 5:17pm
Hi all,

I've posted here a few times before and answered some posts as well. It's been very helpful to me.

My situation - I've been married about a year (we've lived together a year before that). My husband has an anger problem and can be very verbally abusive to me. Last July, he came home one day after we had an argument (basically, I thought we watched too much TV and I asked him if we could do something else - he blew up) and told me to get out of the house and leave. I said that it was my home too (even though my name's not on it - I moved into his house) and I couldn't just leave in a day. He called the police on me because I was on the phone w/a friend and refused to hang up with her. I told the police, I had done nothing wrong and I lived in the house as well. I had nowhere to go, so he left.

Anyways, I gave him another chance after he apologized for his behavior. Now, he's been horrible to me again. Flying off the handle when I ask him a question, he's moved his paycheck to a separate bank account, etc. I did a budget and messed it up a little by paying a check and not recording it, so we had a few finacial problems this week and he freaked, said it was all my fault, he was taking over all the money and I won't have access to his money, but he has access to mine. The argument ended with him saying "Go f yourself bi**h!" I didn't call him names (never once have) and didn't think I deserved that. Problem is I'm terrified he'll take everything from me if I'm not "nice" to him now. I just don't know what to do. He's horrible to me.

Thanks for listening.

catlover66

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 11:01pm
He doesn't have an anger problem, he has a control problem. It doesn't matter what you do, you will never stop his abuse through your actions, unless the action is leaving.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 11:18pm
Your situation sounds awful! :( Do you have financial problems that would make it difficult to get away if you had to? You don't want to have no where to go and be stuck in a house with this guy. He is just going to get worse. This guy sounds very controlling! He has no right to control your money. He has no right to talk to you that way! I'm sorry :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 9:02am
Thanks for the kind words from both of you. It really helps to know I have support. That's why I love this board, everyone is so supportive and I try to reciprocate.

I could kick myself for being in this situation. At this point, the house is in his name (he's promised me for a year to add me, but never did) and now I have a negative bank balance until my payday while he is getting paid at the end of the week. He slowly put me in a situation where it is impossible for me to leave. The problem is, the last time this happened, he called the police to have me physically removed (there was no violence or anything, he just wanted me gone). I told the cops I wasn't leaving this was my home. They let me stay and made him leave because I didn't do anything to him. However, if I had left, he was ready to change the locks. NOW I'm in the same situation and cannot leave the house for fear he will do just that. Luckily, i work from home several days a week and can all week, if need be.

When I do get out, I'm buying my OWN place and nobody will EVER make me leave!

catlover66

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 1:58am
What an awful feeling that must be!! Do you have any friends or family you can crash with if you need to? Sounds like it would be a good idea to get out while he's in the mood, if you have somewhere safe to stay, while you are waiting for your paycheck. What a jerk!