oh this has to stop

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
oh this has to stop
15
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 11:30am
my husband hurt me last night. i tried to get away from him but i wasn't fast enough. i begged him for mercy but he wouldn't let up. i thought i might lose the baby. i was so scared. he took me into the hospital early this morning, and put a cast on my lower arm since it is broken. i want to cry. the bad thing is he is still angry with me, he thinks this is my fault he did this. my oldest son asked if i made daddy angry and why. i told him no of course not, he said that i must have. i am speechless.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 4:20pm
Oh, and one other thing. Do not make him angry. Ignore him as much as possilbe - focus on your children - do things to make yourself happy. Don't instigate anything. Try as hard as you can to emotionally seperate yourself from him until you're able to leave.

Again, I wish you peace.

- meaningoflife.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 10:59am

What steps are you going to take to put an end to your misery?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 9:10pm
Ahmeds wife, sweetie,

Yes, it's easy to feel useless when that happens-absolutely. The trick is to realize that IT'S NOT TRUE. Listen to what you wrote--however you felt, you cooked and played with your children. You did what needed to be done, despite your pain, both physical and emotional/mental/spiritual. Think about how strong you would think that woman was if you were hearing about her.

And make no mistake, if you don't get out, he may well kill you. And even if he doesn't, your son is on the way to learning the thought processes that make an abuser. I know, my husband can describe, in detail, the things he saw that made him the way he is. Of course, he doesn't admit there's anything wrong with it, so it's not like he'll change, he describes it to explain how things should be.

I have a two-and-a-half-year-old son, and he is NOT going to grow up seeing that and thinking it's normal. The day I left, he came up to me and grabbed my arms and looked at me and said, 'you're stupid, Mommy". Now, he was just expressing his insecurity with the drastic change involved in living in a shelter (for three days), but that was the worst thing he knew how to say to get a reaction. He is NOT going to learn any more of that.

Please know you are strong enough to do what needs to be done to protect yourself and your children. It will be hard and ugly, probably, but even in the midst of the worst, there are good flashes of what it feels like not to be afraid, and to remember the woman you were before the nightmare started.

Good luck to you. And sorry this is so late from when you posted.

CC

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 3:00am
i have read and re-read all of the posts and they are all touching and helpful. i have thought so much the last few days about the reality of all of this and what in the world i can do to change this, i am trying i really am. as for what doctor saw me, my husband is a surgeon and he is the one who took me into the hospital he works at very early that morning and he himself is the one who put the cast on my arm. i did not sign in or go through registration, i talked to no one.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 8:50am
That ahmeds wife is exactly what you have to start doing! Talking to those away from your husband! You want to get free but you are under this image that all would look down on you if you did, THEY WON'T!! The confusion you feel about telling others is the conditioning you have been subject too. By his actions, late at night, that alone should prove to you that while he may be violent to you, because you refuse to let someone know, that he is a weak, scared little twerp who is scared out of his mind that authorities will find out. You need to talk to the police, ask for a Domestic Violence Officer and talk to them!! Talk to the shelter,,talk to the Domestic Violence nurse at the hospital!!

Open your mouth and talk to authorities, stop this all right now.

Just because he's a doctor doe's not put him above the law. On this boards homepage are articles on how to deal with doctors, police, anyone who thinks the law doesn't cover their actions.

Take action, tell someone! Get yourself out before this abuser kills you, period!! If he has no problem breaking an arm, he has no problem with doing worse.

Right now, and this was on national television this week, Homicide is the number one killer in this country of pregnant women. Please, stop hiding behind his abuse before you become another statistic.

If you need an excuse, go to the ER of the hospital, tell them that it doesn't feel like your arm is set right, let them X-ray your arm and ask to talk to someone who handles DV within the hospital. Also, tell them under no circumstances to let your husband know you are there. Because in all honesty, I doubt he even took the time to set it properly, just to hurt you more in the future. Let them find where and who set it the first time and when it's all hush hush, let them know why!!

The doors to freedom are open in front of you, you have to find the courage within to take the step through and seek safe asylum for you and the children.

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