Get caller ID and don't answer the phone. Turn the ringer off if necessary. Old Wendell used to constantly email me at work and send me essays on what a worthless person I was. I finally learned how to hit the delete button before reading them. When those kids are at your house YOU are in control. What he wants doesn't matter, not one bit. That's your turf. You can do it, I know you can. Don't ever let him ruin your day again. He's not worth the time.
You have an order that states what time he is to pick them up, right? So that means, on the time that he shows up that is NOT his time, YOU are in full control of the kids & of custody. His PAS is messing with those girls so badly, that my opinion is no "scene" in front of them is going to cause anymore harm than they are already having done to them. Pull out the big guns. Stop taking his crap. Call the police, show them the order - the kids are NOT to be with him at that designated time. GET the no trespass order. Meet him at a local place, park, etc, to pick up & exchnage the kids. He was harrassing you by those phone calls. If the kids cry & scream about going with him, well thats nothing new either. I would just contiunously say "Daddy isnt following the rules" in explanation why the police were involved.
I know you have heard it 1 trillion times b4, but therapy for these kids is essential.
"When he shows up like that, I pretty much have to just let it go"
Why? If you know he is going to show up early take them for ice cream, go grocery shopping. He comes early enough times and you aren't around, he will eventually get the hint.
He pushing every trigger he can find right now. Actually, if you think about it, things might slowly be going your way. This activity usually starts to elevate when they think things aren't going how they like them. Next time he uses the boyfriend thing, just say that I've opted to wait because the children come first.
You can keep going to the courts, but first you need to get your head on straight and not let him get to you. This is hard, very hard. Start practicing in front of him then go find a corner to cry in for however long it takes. Let them love their daddy for now. Mine also fed into what their dad wanted. At the time they were 22 and 15 and refused to talk to me. The most I got from them were hate calls. I gave up and accepted the fact that I may never have my children back. Months went by and I hadn't talked with my daughter. I would go to my son's sporting events and he would walk past me like he didn't know me. Something snapped inside me and I realized that I couldn't go on this way. I also realized that they were looking at some pathetic human being that really wasn't worth looking at. I wasn't me. They were seeing what Wendell had trained them to see and I was still playing my part to the hilt. Of course, it was me at the time, but not the real me.
Quit thinking of what he will do. You already know what he is going to do. Go one step ahead and think what is best for those girls, then do it. Then think what is best for you, then do it.
I hope I haven't been too hard on you, but you can eternally fight for your ground or make your ground and get on with your life. Accept the fact that he will always be part of your children's life and look to see exactly what you Jody want to give to them to be productive human beings. Don't worry what daddy wants, worry what is best for you and the girls. The transition is hard, but well worth the effort.
Jody,
Get caller ID and don't answer the phone. Turn the ringer off if necessary. Old Wendell used to constantly email me at work and send me essays on what a worthless person I was. I finally learned how to hit the delete button before reading them. When those kids are at your house YOU are in control. What he wants doesn't matter, not one bit. That's your turf. You can do it, I know you can. Don't ever let him ruin your day again. He's not worth the time.
Terry
The only reason I answered the phone was because if I don't answer, he'll just show up.
You have an order that states what time he is to pick them up, right? So that means, on the time that he shows up that is NOT his time, YOU are in full control of the kids & of custody. His PAS is messing with those girls so badly, that my opinion is no "scene" in front of them is going to cause anymore harm than they are already having done to them. Pull out the big guns. Stop taking his crap. Call the police, show them the order - the kids are NOT to be with him at that designated time. GET the no trespass order. Meet him at a local place, park, etc, to pick up & exchnage the kids. He was harrassing you by those phone calls. If the kids cry & scream about going with him, well thats nothing new either. I would just contiunously say "Daddy isnt following the rules" in explanation why the police were involved.
I know you have heard it 1 trillion times b4, but therapy for these kids is essential.
Hugs, R~
"When he shows up like that, I pretty much have to just let it go"
Why? If you know he is going to show up early take them for ice cream, go grocery shopping. He comes early enough times and you aren't around, he will eventually get the hint.
He pushing every trigger he can find right now. Actually, if you think about it, things might slowly be going your way. This activity usually starts to elevate when they think things aren't going how they like them. Next time he uses the boyfriend thing, just say that I've opted to wait because the children come first.
You can keep going to the courts, but first you need to get your head on straight and not let him get to you. This is hard, very hard. Start practicing in front of him then go find a corner to cry in for however long it takes. Let them love their daddy for now. Mine also fed into what their dad wanted. At the time they were 22 and 15 and refused to talk to me. The most I got from them were hate calls. I gave up and accepted the fact that I may never have my children back. Months went by and I hadn't talked with my daughter. I would go to my son's sporting events and he would walk past me like he didn't know me. Something snapped inside me and I realized that I couldn't go on this way. I also realized that they were looking at some pathetic human being that really wasn't worth looking at. I wasn't me. They were seeing what Wendell had trained them to see and I was still playing my part to the hilt. Of course, it was me at the time, but not the real me.
Quit thinking of what he will do. You already know what he is going to do. Go one step ahead and think what is best for those girls, then do it. Then think what is best for you, then do it.
I hope I haven't been too hard on you, but you can eternally fight for your ground or make your ground and get on with your life. Accept the fact that he will always be part of your children's life and look to see exactly what you Jody want to give to them to be productive human beings. Don't worry what daddy wants, worry what is best for you and the girls. The transition is hard, but well worth the effort.
Terry